So have had a very good solid weekend. Still have in the back of my mind that I’m leaving and am looking into many different options.
But it doesn’t take over my head every minute like it has since it first started entering my mind. However it does hit me when confronted with irritating and anxiety provoking parts of being here. Like when everyone’s crowded around the dining room door waiting for it to open and everyone’s all cramed together and doing their usual antics. Makes me want to just run upstairs or start screaming at everyone. But I rationally know that won’t go well towards staff feeling confident about me leaving.
Have hung out all day. Had an upset stomach in the morning I think due to the humid weather. Other than the annoying trips downstairs I’ve had a relaxing kinda day. Have done a lot of twitter following listening to an audio book and writing people on my e-mail list.
I think having sent out e-mails to various organizations is giving me hope that I’ll have some follow ups over the next week. I’m really glad I have this time to explore everything as in don’t have the rushing part of leaving for day program to worry about. I’m sure staff are less happy about me not having a structure for the day. But hey as long as I feel I’m not getting depressed or negatively affected I see no problem with it.
Spent some time with Edith organizing a whole mess of paperwork that’s been shuffled from case worker to case worker but hasn’t been gone through. There was a lot of junk mail and bills that I’m sure Medicaid did pay ETC. But other important stuff too like stuff from my last time at Friedman which will be important in my re-applying. As well as Mass health information which will be good to have if I look into anything in MA I found this very positive.
I have some items that Edith needs Jonathan’s aprooval on before I canofficially have them back. Like my electric razor and DVDS. This is due to issues around me using these things for self harm. I can be very creative with my tools.
Trigger warning for SI
My last incident of SI I took a key ring attached to a water bottle and used my nails as well as a rock to get it free. I pried as much as I could with my fingers and then pushed the metal part in the crevice in the rock to help get it off. So yeah that kinda creativity.
So anyway. Now I’m just hanging out not doing much. I have some posts that I’m thinking of writing. A couple book reviews and things that I’ll do tomorrow.