So I’m doing really really good today! Really energized didn’t even take a morning nap.
Have been reading this awesome book called Dandelion on my Pillow Butcher Knife beneath by Nancy Thomas. I know sounds really disturbing but it’s amazing! It’s about this woman who works with kids who have attachment disorder, which means that due to horrible abuse from birth during the first couple years, multiple moves ETC a child doesn’t form the basic bond with a caregiver needed to know how to form relationships, have empathy and a conscience ETC. Due to this the kids have all kinds of problems, lying, stealing, being very manipulative (scary manipulative for such a young age) to setting fires, hurting animals, or even wanting to kill others. Anyway the book goes over in detail Nanc Thomas’s ways of rehabilitating these children.
Well anyway haven’t finished the book yet. Haven’t put it down since yesterday afternoon when my request to have it on bookshare came through. So yeah that’s kept me busy.
So today I’m going to Walmart! Hope to have a better time than last time. Will enjoy shopping with Jess and getting burger king so we don’t have to eat the yucky dinner they have, or in my case have yet another fruit plate because I’m so picky and won’t eat sandwiches.
So yeah doing really really well! So good after being so moody for all these weeks. I think I’m actually calming down. Finally have realized as much as it sometimes sucks I need to stay at Albany until I find something else better. And that Jess and I are sisters forever and will stay together no matter what. Actually did call this place called Margrit Mannor, that’s a smaller facility of like a hundred people. Leslie one of my friends here who now lives at a group home highly recommended it because her friend’s daughter is there. She says it’s a nonprofit and that makes a big difference on how it’s run that staff stay way longer. Like this girl she visits has had the same caseworker for like seven years or something. And I think they actually have a house cat there!
Anyway talked to this guy John on Monday. Irronic that we have a John and we have a Jonathan. Anyway I guess he’s just filling in for the social services person who’s off right now. Anyway he seemed really nice said we could visit any time. Since I’m gonna be spending all this money on seeing Melissa and Paratransit for that I’ll wait awhile but do want to see the place and any other smaller places just to see my options.
So on to other stuff. Jonathan is just OMG so weird. I guess Edith never even told him about all the crazy stuff going on with me the past few weeks so he has no clue about anything. So if I did meet with him I’d have to explain everything. Then she said he was probably confused because there have been times I skipped sessions because I just didn’t want to talk with him about issues like wanting to leave. And then he missed sessions so I guess it’s both our fault. I don’t know it’s just weird. I’m tired of this back and forth game. Yesterday I was crying a little because I felt like he abandoned me and was mad I had to see a new therapist. But now I’m not evenmad anymore. I’m happy to be seeing someone else. So anyway he said he’d meet with me today, well it was tomorrow when I found out last night. After talking to Edith who basically said everything I was all fired up about like him withdrawing from me was all wrong I didn’t want to meet and talk about that because I’d just look stupid. So I said I just didn’t want to meet. I can talk about other stuff with him but no more therapy. Like maybe he’ll still let me help interview new PRCS maybe not I don’t know. And he’s always willing to help with the computer. He understands if residents don’t want to meet with him anymore or change their mind about stuff so it’ll be ok. I’ll have a better relationship with Melissa though. Because we won’t have this stupid scheduling issue.
So I’m going to Walmart can’t wait to get snacks and stuff. I wonder if we can find a tiger like the tiger we saw at timeless toys last week. It was $20 which is so ridiculous. I guess that’s why they’re an expensive independent toy store. Anyway I’m hoping I can find something better for less money I don’t know. I was thinking I’d take an Ativan before leaving so I wouldn’t be anxious on the van but I’m doing so good I don’t think I need it. I’m extremely energized. Not happy but you know calm and not upset which is amazing and feels so good. So that’s the update. Oh and I don’t know if I told you all last time I wrote that I officially made an appointment with Melissa for next Tuesday at ten. Really happy about that. Will write more later maybe about dance therapy and expressive arts in general to teach you all more about that. Bye for now!!!