Just came back from my big therapy session about an hour. It was very emotional and I have a lot to think about but we’re on the same page again and moving forward with continuing therapy. If you just wanted to know the results that’s what it was and feel free to not read the whole ins and outs if it doesn’t interest you!
Well first of all Jonathan was like ten fifteen minutes late in a meeting with the administrator that happened to be about fixing the guys phone which I thought could have waited. In the meantime twenty million residents were looking for him as well as staff, as well as someone stopped by looking for a job. Annie one of the caseworker says the solution to all our problems here is to clone Jonathan and I think she’s right!
Anyway we finally get in there. I had written this whole long e-mail about everything I was feeling the whole not sure if I need a new therapist, not knowing where we stand with our relationship ETC. Well he didn’t get it. He’s like oh this 14 page thing? He was teasing it was like two pages I do tend to write long e-mails.
In the beginning he said he was pressed for time so did I want to “talk about nothing” for twenty minutes (we’ve been known to sometimes have chat sessions) and then wait til tomorrow at one when he’ll have read the e-mail. I was like no way and just dove in.
I told him everything about feeling like he’s backed away from me the past months. And what all the staff have said about me being less of a priority due to doing better ETC. And just not knowing where things stand and being really hurt and angry and not sure where he stood in my life. He listened to me and then asked if he responded.
I said go for it.
He said my little survey of all the PRCS was inaccurate. None of them ever said they went and asked him why and they didn’t. And they were just trying to say things that would try to make me feel better. Because when I’m emotional I want to draw conclussions and solve things right away. Even if it’s not a positive conclusion (I’m actually usedf to that with hurtful relationships from my family) it’s better than not knowing.
He said at no time did he stop caring. He said I was the one that backed off and I debated him on that for awhile. He did admit that things got really crazy with the days off and not being able to get ahold of him and stuff. I told him all my friends who had listened and gone through this with me as well didn’t like him anymore. He said they were riht ande he could be off the wall sometimes. I guess he’s a good therapist just for admitting that!
We talked about how I went to Edith and talked forever literally months intensely about all this. And how she was the one that said the a stuff about him backing off, perhaps the more intense therapy was crisis intervention ETC. He said if he were her he would have only responded with that I should go talk to him. Which she did. I think I wore her and the other staff down by endless pestering again for my quest for any answer.
He said he had heard from Edith how I was doing and that I was hurting and upset with him. We disagree on this though I do see his point of view. Apparently he made the thought out decision that rather than act on what she said, making her like the mediator, he chose to wait me out and wait for me to come to him. He kept emphasizing that when I did finally ask to meet he responded right away. I’m like yeah but I think if you knew you should have done something. Especially as I’m sure she told you I felt disconnected. If you found me even if I was mad I would have appreciated it and felt really cared about. He said he got that and in the short term it would have solved things faster but he thought in the long term it was better that I come to him when I’m ready and bring this stuff up. And he didn’t want it to turn into me going through Edith for things.
So as I said to summarize: He never thought of me being less of a priority. He has always cared about me the same. We’ve built up this strong relationship, and he said he doesn’t know of anyone who’s better able to work with me. We talked about though how it’s hard for me to connect with other staff as I’m waiting for them to misunderstand me and I shut down.
He did point out correctly, that he never really does crisis intervention with me. We’ve talked about handling crisis, self injury. And I’ve gotten wild in his office throwing stuff ETC. And at that point he’s called in staff and they handle it. Which is true.
So we’re back on track. And I’m extremely relieved. I’m glad I did see him really. And so happy I don’t have to put myself through the whole trying to work with a new therapist thing and have him there. I still question the wisdom of his decision not to seek me out. I wonder if I ended up self injuring or going into a crisis if he would have done differently. But I do see his point.
Anyway that’s all she wrote. Thoughts? Have you had similar experiences with therapists?