long week ahead

I’m so mad! I just wrote this whole blog post and then it disappeared.

Anyway I have a long emotional week ahead. Finished up with CTL and will be going over the last things on the platform with Heather tomorrow.

Tomorrow is two years to the day of my breakdown in 2013. It’s incredible how far I’ve come and everything I’ve accomplished the relationships I’ve formed and what I know about myself. I still know I have a long way to go and I’m also really worried about set backs like everything seems just too good to be true. I will definitely talk more with Jonathan about this Wednesday.

Wednesday and Thursday are big for my family. Wednesday is my parent’s anniversary. Don’t ask how many years LOL! I think this year is the first year they can genuinely say they’re doing well. Even they thought after Krissy and I left the house that they’d finally just divorce. But they ended up coming together in a really deep way. They’re clear as a couple now and that’s amazing and sweet. But hard in a way. I so wish they could have found this strength within one another and have used that as the foundation of our family. As it was for years we had no foundation and everything was about arguing and emotional abuse and drinking. You can’t take back the hurt of the past. I somehow have to figure out how to piece together their current way of being with everything I went through in the past which was is quite traumatic.

Krissy will be twenty Thursday. I’m beyond proud of her and her work with horses and passion for animals. I love hearing her stories about training and riding them. She’s grown into such an amazing young woman and held to her inner strength and values in spite of what happened to her at home.

And Friday we go to target instead of Walmart since Walmart is like the day before thanksgiving.

Then the holiday stresses coming up. How much money can I spend on presents? What do I realistically want for presents? Whether Jess and I will have yucky thanksgiving food here or at some restaurant.

So just a lot in my head coming and going emotionally and sometimes it’s hard to put into words and often I just don’t want to talk at all. I’m glad to write it here as I know many following get where I’m coming from emotionally.

I’ll keep everyone posted day by day on things.


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