I’m thinking of all my readers, followers, twitter followers and anyone else on this holiday. I’m hoping everyone has a warm safe place to have a good meal with people they hopefully at least like if not love, trust if not like. If you’re having a really hard time I send you good thoughts. And know there are caring people out there, many churches are often open for free meals. And walk in crisis centers (I’d imagine), hotlines ETC are always available.
Would like to take this moment to put in a little mention of crisis textline. Where I will be doing my third shift tomorrow night and the amazing community. Where you can text in instead of talk, very handy for those who are deaf/ hard of hearing, those afraid to call a hotline or otherwise prefer this medium. A truly caring trained volunteer will talk you through whatever is going on. So you don’t ever have to deal with anything alone. So if interested please text 741741
I myself had a very good day. Still dealing with a stupid cold I’ve had since Sunday. That I know is due to the hot dusty dry heat air from heaters that are not properly cleaned, bouncing off the cooler drafts from windows, or when windows aren’t getting a cool draft the effect of constant dry heat. I sound like a weather person but this should be seriously scientifically studied. It doesn’t help that we have some very germy residents here where personal hygene isn’t as high on their priority list as it should be.
So anyway I could tell the difference too. We went out to old country Buffet and just being in the fresh air though it was raining, and in the restaurant helped. I got back and was coughing and sniffling again.
Anyway. Since last year the thanksgiving meal was really gross, ask Robert Kingett. I invited him over all excited expecting that they’d at least try to make a nice dinner. Well he hated it I didn’t blame him. It was pretty embarrassing since I was the hostess and all. So yeah. Anyway we decided to go to old country buffet. I’d been there and to similar buffet places and love getting a variety of things.
It was great. Only cost $30 for the both of us to go eat as much as we can plus drinks plus tax.
So let’s see: I had turkey of course! Mashed potatos that I could tell were probably from a box but still waay better than what we get here. Macaroni and cheese, stuffing and green beans. I also had jello with whipped cream and marshmeallows, pumpkin pie with whipped cream of course! And two chocolate chip cookies. We spread out our eating so that I didn’t fill up quickly. That’s happened at restaurants I eat too fast and then have an overfull upset stomach which makes me anxious and so the cycle goes. Jess is sure to help monitor my eating , and drinking (Unbelievably this same thing happened just drinking water too fast) so this didn’t happen. Though I was sad I was so full that I couldn’t have one bite of vanilla ice cream.
But it was extremely enjoyable. We got there at like one thirty two and it wasn’t so crowded. By the time our ride came at three it was getting louder so we made good timing.
Just zoning out tonight. Really happy with how the day went. Talked to my parents that are doing ok. I guess the cold reached them too though. Mom’s run down with something. Krissy who’s apparently forever altered emune system from mono was having a hard time too. She physically and mentally overdoes herself between school horseback riding and whatever else. At least she’s not a party girl. But she has Dad’s drive of ok let’s go let’s go until you burn out kinda thing. Whicvh has it’s strong points but I’d bet you totally wear yourself out sooner, as in possibly die earlier than someone who takes it moderately. There are probably studies constantly changing their verdict.
Anyway so they had a low key time.
They miss me terribly. I haven’t been face to face in their presence since June 2012. But there’s not much to do about it. If we lived even remotely closer like even a couple states away it would be better. But ironically it would be worse because I happened to live in the state with a psych facility that meets my needs where other states don’t have anything to compare. Jess and I talk often about figuring out some kind of middle ground solution for the both of us, we stick together forever. I wish we could adopt each other somehow or something. So yeah. Maybe hopefully someday. If we can do one successful visit it will really set things up for us especially me to feel confident about more. The visit in 2013 that I had intense mixed feelings over, mostly prepare to hide absolutely everything emotional from them was a contributing factor in my breakdown. Since even talking about a visit in the past caused some meltdowns. But I’m becoming more and more ready. Still even if I was a hundred percent ready flying on the holidays is pretty stressful for someone who would already have enough anxiety. Well make that two people.
We’re thinking March sometime. So yeah something we’ll continue to play with in therapy and talking with them.
So many ups and downs and complexities with my family. When they’re this nice, this concerned and caring, lovable even to Jess a stranger, I wonder why I/ we can’t just live there. Contribute money and all but ya know. Then I remember everything that caused my mental illness to increase a million percent, and the uproar that would come from my sister bodyguard should that behavior start up again on my parent’s side.
I’m thankful for: Albany care, Most all staff especially Ms. Billy, Jonathan and Edith. As well as other PRCS
My online friends particularly on the blind mental health list. We’re an awesome group forever!
Robert Kingett my partner in crime for making the world a much better disability friendly place.
My parents no matter what mood they’re in I know they tried their best with me.
My pets, Lucky first my baby kitty, Simon though he’s my sisters and a brat, and Toby. Don’t like dog’s much but he’s okish LOL!
Last and most important my amazing older sister and best friend always and forever Jess. We came into each other’s lives at just the right moment and pulled each other away from the edge. We both have a life we want to live now which is a true Miracle. Love you always and forever!