no therapy session/ things I’m anxious about

Hi everyone,

So I didn’t have my therapy session today. The department of health/ state was here. As I’ve mentioned previously if anyone calls this number and complains even over something ridiculous they have to investigate. So we had this guy end of last week who was more than a handful. He claimed that he was dying a slow and painful death, in quotes all very calmly said people were laughing at him not caring and everything. Was constantly pulling his call light that is for emergencies but he did it all the time. He even set the fire alarm off at seven in the morning Saturday. Then some other resident heard his “I’m dying and it’s the staff’s fault” talk and actually called 911. I think he was crazier than the first guy because why do that.

But according to Edith this is actually a common thing that the cops and ambulance and stuff are called by residents and nine times out of ten they know that the staff here are taking care of things so the residents learn they can’t get their way by doing that. But OMG I don’t want to imagine the time wasted from real emergencies with that. It’s probably I suppose the time wasted by these state people coming out for literally no reason.

The guy by the way the “I’m dying one” is not coming back yay!

Other than that it was just a totally crazy day. There were like four code yellows, code yellows being an emotional crisis where they need all mental health staff present, like someone on restriction (I.E someone needing to not leave the building without staff ) getting out, or a fight or something.

So after lunch I just decided it would be easier to just cancel. I also felt kind of withdrawn and not like talking.

I do have stuff on my mind.

Jess going to school. She’s doing awesome getting ready but we don’t know if she’ll be able to do courses in the spring or not. If not I worry she’ll get wicked depressed sitting home. If she does I’m really anxious about the whole routine. This is the first time in forever since she was first here, that she’s gone out and done anything normal not mental health related. As in not a day program hospital ETC. I’m worried about the physical issues, her walking to the L and back, climbing steep stairs and everything. It seems small but she has weight issues and arthritis issues and the huge life threatening illness she had years back makes her whole body kinda very sensitive. Things just take longer to heal and stuff like that.

Plus emotionally I’m worried about the stress homework classes ETC will cause her. She’ll be out side of here or any other controlled mental health space, and could easily find things to self harm with more than average. I just hope everything works out. I wish I could be calm when she’s going through stuff but I’m so anxious myself I just have a breakdown myself.

Secondly I’m worried about my interview with National runaway safeline this coming Tuesday. I gave good references and I know I have the experience especially with working with CTL as well. And I know I can solidly advocate for myself around accomidations I’d need, like training materials e-mailed to me, having NVDA on a flash drive, ETC. But I’m just worried they won’t want to work with someone with a disability, say they don’t have time/ resources to help me out going out of their way for anything. If I do get in which I really really want to! I want it as much as Jess wants to go to school. I know it will be hard emotionally. Now my routine includes at least one nap a day and for awhile two naps. Obveously can’t have that when I have the two nine to five trainings. The other sessions are at least in the evenings but those pose major changes to meals (I don’t care if I don’t eat dinner but no one else agrees with that!) and getting meds and coming in late.

When I’m done with the training which is very intense all taking place in two weeksI think the actual weekly shift won’t be so bad. I’ll schedule it for a reasonable hour.

So I have a lot of anxiety I cried and talked to Jess and I guess am ok. Just hoping for the best next week.

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