Well after a whole month of worrying and eagerlyanticipating I can not attend the orientation tonight.
I have a very tight routine during the day that involves in part at least one nap a day. This might sound silly like it wouldn’t matter but it does. We often find that if I don’t take my morning nap I’m anxious and just not doing good by afternoon. I don’t usually ever stay up all day.
Well yesterday I did. I thought I was awake enough in the morning but started feeling tired by ten. Then it was too close to lunchtime. Then Edith said she’d be here at one and didn’t show up til after three so that was out. By the time dinner came I was having brain zaps. That has happened when I’ve been stressed or sick or when my period is coming which it is. I just felt like crap. I thought a good night’s sleep would help.
Butby lunchtime I was in anxious nonstop crying meltdown mode. I could hide it in public ok and saved it for our room. Jess got me to take an Ativan and Tylenol and we decided sadly that if I was like this now I couldn’t manage sitting up for four hours and being interviewed and everything. When I sit or stand my brain zaps are worse so it’s better to lay down. Even now typing is hard.
I woke up after my nap and still had the zaps. So we canceled and I’ll do the next orientation in February. It was a real let down and was just so disappointing and hard how my body was thrown off.
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