progress around my relationship to my mom’s issues

So forgot to say that Friday night I talked with my mom. Have been talking to her over the last few days as I told her about Jess being in the hospital.

If you haven’t heard about my mom yet it’s very complicated. On the one hand she’s genuinely caring. She does listen to the best of her ability (which at times isn’t that great!) and try to empathize. She’ll often say whatever she needs to to get the outcome she wants. As in if I have any issues with being home, like when I’d have school breaks and not want to deal with my parents fighting ETC she’d come to therapy and say oh no no fighting ETC don’t worry. Then I’d get home and there would be major fighting.

She is also very giving especially materially. Always buying me and Jess stuff.

Then there’s the other side of her. The extreme anger and mean comments and just being all over the place emotionally. And blaming everyone and every reason I have PTSD basically.

Anyway so she has been supportive of the whole Jess thing which is good.

So my parent’s new thing is that they’re going to sell our house. This has been going on for months and months. Takes my family forever to make any kinda decision never mind something huge like this. They want to sell it of course because it’s this huge house with hardly any people in it with my sister and I out of the house. And there are a lot of taxes in Acton and stuff like that.

So Mom keeps saying she’s not sure when I’ll be able to come and visit them with Jess. Sometimes she’ll say before they sell the house or sometimes after and on and on.

I’ve told her if you get a new house I’d like it in an area where there’s paratransit. In the back of my mind I want to move back to MA someday. A temporary step in that could be Jess and I living with my parents until we got set up with services. Sometimes I think this kinda might work don’t really think about it too much s it’s in the so distant future, other times I feel like it’s insane to have it even on the table. So does Edith by the way.

So mom’s like we’re gonna look at a farmhouse in Littleton Littleton is a town not too far from Acton with you guessed it no paratransit. I’m like ugh really? So she launches into this whole thing on the reason why she’s having trouble looking for houses is what will they do with my Gramma?

My Dad’s parents moved into our house in 2003. My mom did not want this under no uncertain terms. But he did it anyway. Can you say huge war? And my mom going totally nuts. Like off the wall with her alcoholism and depression and anger and just everything. She even knows she was kinda nuts.

So she went on about that as if I need reminding and how all these therapists said she should just leave at the time. But that she couldn’t leave her kids and everything.

And now that my Grampa has died my Gramma still insists that my Dad will take care of her. He often goes along with this which sends my mom into well he can just buy me a condo and I’m done with him. But then at times I guess he’s more to her side which sends her into oh our relationship is so much better! So very confusing. I let her vent for like a half hour or more.

For what it’s worth I jkind of agree with her and always did about the whole in law thing. I mean 2003 was the start of me in Jr. High. All my teenage years was taken up by my dad building this huge edition first of all. Because he built the in law apartment, garage. Then he built a family room. Then expanded on my bedroom. I had to sleep in my mom’s room in bed with my mom for like three months! So he added a playroom to the bedroom.

So anyway just that in itself was turmoil. Then like I said the endless domestic violence. And every other day hearing about divorce and just everything. Yeah would not do it again!

Just thinking that that all might happen now with this house thing makes me not even want to buy a plane ticket. But the good news is that I let my mom vent but then could get off the phone and go on to something else. In the past she’d talk to me for hours and totally wear me out. Or I’d be constantly thinking about everything and being super anxious as everything was so uncertain and so much tention. Granted I don’t have to live there which is a big part of it. But yeah I consider it progress. Having so many other good supports around here is also a huge help to put distance between my mom and her issues.

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