upset that I haven’t seen my therapist in three weeks

So I’m very disappointed and upset that I haven’t seen Jonathan in three weeks. For everyone that follows this blog you probably know that he’s the clinical director of this facility. He normally doesn’t have the time to meet with residents on a weekly basis. There are a few he does meet with and he tries so hard to make himself available for everyone when needed. Which is probably why he gets so busy he loses track of so many things. Anyway originally we started working together because we really needed to address the self injury. And I really didn’t even want to go to therapy anyway. So I met with him, he said I could call them “chat sessions”. Well needless to say about three months in I knew I was in a relationship with an amazing therapist! So I’ve stuck with him.

There have been many periods however where he suddenly has become unreachable. Either you can’t get him to respond about when I can see him. Or he never is around at the time he’s planned. Or as I said you basically just can’t get ahold of him. During these times I’ve nearly backed out. I even talked to another outside therapist about working with her and was encouraged by my friends to do this. Because he was just plain not responding. But it’s been so hard for me to connect with professionals and open up. That starting a new relationship terrified me. So I ended up meeting with him and asked straight up if he could still be my therapist even though he has the responsibilities of clinical director and he said yes.

So I do of course try to keep in mind that he has responsibility for everything mental health related here. At the moment we’re changing licenses and I can’t imagine the amount of work involved in that. Plus his assistant is out on medical leave and they don’t yet have a permanent replacement. I do get that.

However as those of you who are clients know, you’re gonna get really mad at your therapist. For a number of reasons about anything. And certainly not showing up when expected and not even making contact is really upsetting. It’s a natural reaction when in this type of intimate relationship where you’re depending on the person as a caretaker. For the past few weeks I have written him the day before/ day of to confirm meetings. We try to at lunch the day of find him to confirm. Often we’ve done this to find out he’s not even in the building. Like today we found out he was at a seminar. I understand with last minute stuff. But come on you can’t tell me that this seminar was last minute! Why didn’t he just write me or text just to let me know himself. I think one week very last minute he did send a text saying can’t meet today but when asked had no response on when we could meet.

Like I said I know the cause of all this. And I know this will end eventually and we’ll go back to meeting. But still. There’s so much that’s happened where I’ve needed him and he’s not been there. Like when Jess was in the hospital I couldn’t contact him all that week. Even left crying messages on his phone. When I had the dentist and was anxious couldn’t contact him. There’s stuff going on with a family member at the end of her life and just out of control family dynamics there that I’d like to discuss. I just heard about some horrific things that recently happened to one of my best friends. Like basically they were at a shooting! They’re not hurt but you know very scary!

So yeah was feeling really bad after lunch when I found out. Took two naps which helped. Like my morning and then afternoon nap. So yeah just want to vent about that. I did send him a long e-mail expressing all my feelings. I know he won’t respond he stopped responding to e-mails and phone calls long ago in our treatment. I’m just hoping one of these days we can track him down and actually schedule something.

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