up and down day

So today was definitely hard. Jonathan promised that he’d see me at one today. Turns out he wasn’t even in the building! He said that he could meet me at three thirty but first of all I have something weekly I do online at that time. Secondly he has his staff meeting that regularly goes past three thirty. Apparently he was gonna come by after the meeting but a resident decided to go off and hit another resident I guess.

Edith finally got it so I’ll be seeing him tomorrow at one. I was so mad at him for not seeing me all this time scheduling and then not being there. Igt’s so crazy. This has happened before as I’ve written extensively on. At these times I want to have another therapist. One that isn’t the clinical director of a facility of four hundred residents! But then I think about how long it’s taken for us to get our relationship to where it is. How much he’s helped with the self harm, as in I’d still be self harming very bad with no answers and driving staff absolutely crazy if it weren’t for him. Also logistical things like not being able to pay the person. So either going to a mental health center where you get thrown with whoever, or who knows. And them not knowing about how things go here.

But the fact that he will see me tomorrow does make me feel better.

Things are settling down around here. One of the really good caseworkers with a masters degree is the new assistant. And they have someone to fill the spot of a caseworker who left after a month.

But yeah that was just not good. Took two naps today.

Then got the long awaited totally anxiety provoking packet in the mail saying I need to get recertified for paratransit! I’m really worried about not getting it and hate how you have to go through the whole process every three years! I have til June, but will get this done as soon as possible. At least now Edith has something to go on, the actual forms to fill out. I’ve been having anxiety over this probably since I knew when I was gonna have to be recertified, but she had no specifics. Everyone says I’ll get it again no problem. But I don’t know. I think it’s messed up that being blind in and of itself isn’t a good enough reason. Edith will talk to my mom who has done this a couple times and helped me get it when I moved out here. The fact that I had it in MA helped a lot.

Thoughts from others who have been recertified again? Especially those using mental illness plus blindness for their reason?

Anyway will have a lot to write about tomorrow as I have DBT as well as therapy.

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