So today wasn’t the best. I know I put this in the comments of the post about my DBT group. But after writing that post I met with Edith. She said that she strongly believed the group would benefit me and that she would now make her teaching me ASL dependent on my going to the group. Which I really hate because learning to sign is something that I’ve gotten seriously passionate about as I’ve gotten to know Kat, and also my online friend who’s an ASL interpreter.
She knows this which is why she’s using it as an insentive I guess. But at the same time I feel like she’s just hanging it over my head to make me go to the group regardless of whether I want to or think it will benefit me. I went over all the reasons why I don’t feel I need the group in my last post, so newbies please read if you have questions.
But the point is that though I like the group itself, DBT, I don’t feel it’s needed for me right now and is generally a pain to have to go to. I did try a few sessions. Like I said I have many reasons for why and went into it yesterday. I am very upset as I said that she’s taking the one thing I’ve been very engaged in, that she even admits she has loved doing with me and making it conditional on me going to this group that I am not gonna go to.
So have been trying to find other ways to learn ASL if I can’t work with her. I do have a Braille book that describes signs but the last time I tried to use it I got letters of the alphabet wrong so I don’t think it’s a good idea. Everyone I talk to says it’s best to feel the signs from an actual person and have them manipulate your fingers or give verbal directions.
Robbie knows ASL from going to a deaf/blind school but he’s the city’s most busy blind journalist so I can’t see him like every week or couple weeks.
Kat has a ton of stuff to do and also can barely sit still. The fact that she’s nonverbal makes teaching hard as I won’t know what sign she’s talking about.
I started working with Edith after Jess and I were about to kill each other in frustration over it. But honestly she’s the only person left! I know she wants to learn to talk to Kat too, though they can write back and forth. We both get frustrated with each other. So yeah. But we’re gonna try it again because like I said can’t think of any other things. Edith better not tell Jess not to teach me in order to be sure I actually go to that group. I don’t think she would though. This is the first time she’s really dug her heels in about something.
She says I need the DBT group in the same way that I need daily check ins, to have support when things come up, and stuff like that. I just don’t agree. I feel I have a lot of insight into what’s going on with me. If I felt the group would help even a little of course I would do it. And though I understand the rational for using ASL as an incentive I also feel it isn’t right.
I was going to present all this to Mr. J today in therapy. However Edith did say he hadn’t felt well yesterday and had slept all day which isn’t like him. So wasn’t in today. So that was a real let down and I was quite upset. It’s a good thing naps are so therapeutic for me! So a second nap did help.
And I’m still worried about when Kat will be leaving and feel any day could be the day. And am so sad to lose her though I’m sure she has very valid reasons for moving. I know both Jess and I would move if there were viable options at the moment.
However on the good news, I’m very excited because it’s Jess’s birthday tomorrow! We’re going to IHOP for an awesome breakfast for dinner and just will enjoy the day.