Slight med change and no Jonathan session today

Hi everyone,

Wanted to give a quick mental health update for this week. Over the past month or so I’ve been having trouble getting to sleep mostly. I’ve been on the same 25 MG dose of Benadryl for like two years

And the same night time dose of Ativan. Ativan being a benzo and me having such a good ability to not build a tolerance to meds too quickly at all I figured why not just raise the beandryl. I’m not a psychiatrist but I know my body and how meds affect me.

So I asked the evening nurse to call Dr. Fyazz and have her do the med change over the phone if possible. Because this is a nursing facility they can do this and I know Dr. Gil’s psych nurse would. So they did it I started with 50 mg of it since Wednesday I think. I feel like I’ve been sleeping better but maybe it’s too soon to tell and could be all in my head.

I was going to see her today a referral was put in by the evening nurse the same one who called her. But the woman in the Dr. office who makes and handles the list of patients who see the Dr. said I didn’t have to see her. That I had about a month or so ago and you generally see your psych doctor once every three months. They do insist on once a month for your medical doctor. Many feel it should be the other way around this being a psych facility and maybe after things have transitioned for awhile with the new license it will. I was surprised but not disappointed. It had been a very very small med change and something we could talk about when I do see her.

I was disappointed not to see Jonathan today. We hit it lucky the past few Fridays when I’ve come down at about three. He’s had some quiet time and we’ve had a good solid hour to meet. Unfrotunately today this didn’t happen. He was in administration talking with someone when we came down. And never came out. I wasn’t totally surprised. He hadn’t answered my confirmations about meeting, though that’s not necessarly a no, as sometimes he doesn’t even look at his texts or e-mails before the time itself. Like recently I surprised him by coming down at three he had time and actually said it was good that I just came down like I did because if I hadn’t we never would have meted. It’s such a weird arrangement for therapy but it works and even if it didn’t I really have no other options for therapy. There have beewn times where we hven’t met for over a month he’s been so busy and I’ve had to deal with it because it takes so long for me to really trust someone so we’re sort of stuck with each other in a good way.

I wanted to talk about tech stuff again. I wanted to see if the HP had come back yet so we could send it on it’s way to square trade the insurance place. He and my mom had e-mailed and I wanted to see if he got all the information he needed about the insurance. I wanted to talk about stuff with my family. My mom stressing out as usual and how that makes me kind of anxious. I also wanted to try to secretly pull as much information out of him as possible about the last two PRSCS that are coming. One is coming Monday he told me last week but he didn’t even remember her name at the time.

The other is still a mystery. There’s this one woman who sounds awesome. She’s a music therapist and worked in behavioral health for years. Done so many things just amazing. I swear I would just hire her. So I’m really hoping she gets the job. But to have anyone chosen from the applications I’ve collected and organized so well would be great. We almost got one guy but it didn’t work out. He left after one day LOL

Anyway that’s all for now. I’m in a pretty good mood. Didn’t see Stephanie this week. Was really tired on Tuesday since Jess and I went to her school. We both said we’d reschedule and then just didn’t. It’s so hard to do this with someone totally new. And it’s even harder in a way because she tries so hard to get to know me and she’s really intutitive and can pick up on how I’m feeling like when I don’t want to talk and stuff. It’s just so hard not having that history between us. I’m also kind of worried about getting attached to her and her leaving quickly. The department is trying to hire people who will stay longer term. As Edith did for two years. So yeah I don’t know. Basically there’s no way I could say anything bad about her because she’s doing everything clinically right. And I know at some point I need to really try to build a connection. It’s just so overwhelming. Something I wanted to talk about with Jonathan but it will have to wait til next week.

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