Finally saw Jonathan! and cat update
So the biggest news was I finally got to see Mr. J. It’s been exactly a month since we sat down for an individual meeting. Firstly I felt so bad for him because when Jess and I saw him in the hall he had his arm in a sling. He had been seriously hurt last year out for like three months when he had a motorcycle accident and broke his wrist. I felt bad for bugging him all this time if he was hurt.
But he was in a good mood. I guess he was off one day because of some state investigation thing. Then he did some other training on how to legally fire someone like the dos and donts and all that.
Then while he was off he helped someone move furniture. And sprained his arm. His Dr. said just take it easy. Jonathan being Jonathan he took that to mean continue to move furniture! The Dr. was not pleased and so enter the sling. The good news is it isn’t the arm he hurt last year. If he ever so much as almost falls off that bike I’m
restricting him to only ride on sidewalks or bike paths. When you have to keep your therapist in good shape that’s pritty bad LOL! Anyway I was so relieved to just sit down and have uninterrupted time with him. Not knowing where to start I started in with the technology issues. He had made a call to square trade. I told him my mom had this idea about us shipping the computer home and then her shipping it out and then back here. He laughed like Robbie would like OMG the stuff Sam’s mom comes out with!
But anyway with the HP he said it was a computer error that the case got closed and not stephanie’s fault. Kinda disagree as she didn’t seem all that into the process and I feel really did miss some important time frame. But whatever it just needs to get done. He said the next thing he’s gonna ask basically is where do I ship this thing.
I gave my endless emotional, I really did feel like crying on this one, apologies about the toshiba basically being in the same situation it was when he had to fix it over a year ago. He finally said stop feeling bad things break! I’m thinking yeah but not three months later being dropped the same way. He has a gift for being so patient not geting mad and just the fact that he does this to begin with. I had meant to go into a deep conversation on why he goes out of his way so much but we didn’t get there so much to talk about. So we decided that the big issue we have now with the toshiba is the low battery. If we get a new battery charge it up I use it for like six hours and then just charge it up again at night. That will save on the whole plug it in and out issue. That is really stressful. I called the battery store that claims to sell batteries for cheap. They looked up stuff online and said it would cost $76. I said no way I have SSI and can’t really afford anything near that. The guy totally understood. I struggled to read out information from the computer while telling him it and got Jess involved. He seemed good with it.
He just said to be careful as places like amazon just ship the batteries and who knows how good they actually are. Jonathan agreed saying you could buy an expensive battery that might last longer but probably would be cheaper to get a new battery every year or so. He’s going to look this up and hopefully buy one. So probably I’m hoping the week after next I’ll have a useable toshiba.
Our issue with the two was that it seemed to be doing ok the toshiba. It had the port issue, the battery issue didn’t become clear until a couple weeks back. But out of the computers the HP we thought would be an easier fix and he didn’t want to touch the other one. So this is good for now. Once we get HP back here he’ll have fun times taking apart toshiba to see about fixing the thing.
Tech stuff sorted. Then we talked about some other stuff. Jess’s self injury at the end of this past month. We had a good discussion about a case like hers ( hypothetically) and my case. And through this careful roundabout way I learned a lot about the differences between working with Jess verses me. And the real struggle for a treatment team in a case like hers. So that was enlightening. Basically they’re doing all they can.
Which was what I wanted to know. I carefully broached the subject of Gateway. He seemed to like it. Said it would be a good option when we’re ready. I quickly said in no way am I running walking or moving at any speed out the door. If anything just looking out the door trying to even imagine for a minute what living outside it, granted behind a safe and supportive but not MI protected door, would be like.
He was impressed with kim and her willingness to have us tour when it’s right and do the transportation.
I said I’d send him her information. I talked a little about how it’s bringing up tons of memories and feelings from the trauma really about life at friedman around my mental illness. He seemed to really empathize with this. That was enough of that for then.
We then moved on to me not having an outlet like I had with Edith. I asked his thoughts. He asked if I wanted to look for a new PRSC. I asked what he thought? So that went into a whole discussion of Stephanie and how things have been going. I did an overview of the few times we have talked. How her aproach seems to be neutral and very clinical. He said yeah it sounded like she saw my issues and not the person I was. and I didn’t feel at all comfortable opening up to someone who had sometimes textbook answers to things.
He said he wanted her take on things. I retold the cane hour lecture. He said that she has good asesments about where I am, but like on paper. and not who I am as a person. He said he’d chat with her. If she says she is trying to connect and feels I am not, we may talk the three of us if she just has no idea and thinks things are awesome when I’m trying to get her out of my hair he’ll deffinetely start “doing some interviews.” as in the both of us talking to new candidates. As I haven’t seen Visur the newest PRSC at all I asked how she was doing. He said she’s very clinical but the oposite of stephanie very calm and more engaged. It’s a relief we’ll be working on this as well. It was so great to just get all that out. And am hoping we can meet weekly as I’ll have way more to say. He did say if he has the time he’ll put drop box on his computer. I said this would avoid a lot of e-mails and stuff!
Talked to mom after dinner. The Lucky shot apointment went really well. Mom was really anxious about it. But she gently put him inhis crate. He only growled a little for his shot. The weird thing on his head we thought was something from a cat fight was a nothing cyst. I was delighted. We laughed about how much he weighs now.
But Simon is not doing well. I said in my last post he has kidney disease. The Dr. gave special food. And this pepsid ya know for heartburn is supposed to help and make him want to eat. Still mom is reaching the mindset that he’s very old, 16 and it’s time to start thinking about ending things. She has been preparing me talking about what a great life we had with him. I’m incredibly overwhelmed with sadness and a sense of the inevitable. Despite all reassurances over the past three years I know it will happen soon. Simon will die. And I wouldn’t have gotten to see him.
Mom tried to say that it’s like when Nanna died. That Krissy and I weren’t there for that. I didn’t wanna say I was clohich is even worse because it’s her cat.
It’s already hard to imagine to know this is gonna happen. Now I’m so anxious about when. The Dr. said he could live months he could live another year. He’s quite a fighter cat. But mom does see how tired he seems. Just lays on a towel on the couch. Which is sad. I wish I could have been there with him still running around and jumping on furniture and having cat fights.
I don’t know what else to say on it except it’s gonna be so painful. Not so much that he died. I realize that. It’s that I never got to be there for the last few years now and won’t be able to see him beforehand.
And that this anxiety has been present since coming to Chicago but mostly since coming to albany.
I tried to call Jonathan to leave a mesage about it but his
voicemail was full.
So yeah trying to relax and listen to another good audio book. Hoping for a good relaxing weekend. And to be able to use the thoshiba once a new battery has been ordered.