hard day today trigger talk of someone passing away

Hi everyone,

So had a kind of bad day. First learned through online sources that someone who I’ve known for a few years and who has been on an e-mail group I created for awhile passed away earlier in the month. Due to medical concerns. Hadn’t kept in touch with her for a long while. I just hope she’s at peace now. It was a shock to hear about this.

Then Jonathan was going to clone my computer the HP so that we could send it out this week. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem that he had the time. Which is totally understandable as he’s heading out on vacation and I’m sure it was the last thing on his mind. It was a constant anxiety all day until I realized around dinnertime that it really didn’t matter if we have to wait another week for him to come back and do it before sending it out. I don’t want to take even the smallest chance that something could go wrong or I’d need a new computer. Everyone’s like new computer? Hey that’s awesome! I’m like noo! Would not want a new computer!

Kim from gateway had called Jess to check in if we wanted to tour the facility yet. We talked for a few minutes and said no, we wanted to wait to see them get underway first. They’re just opening the end of this month. Found out they do take out of state residents, and that there’s a lot of information about the SLF license online. Which I’ll be using to try to talk to state agencies long term care offices in other states about possibly replicating this. As it’s only in the state of IL that this license is available.

It was a great phone call and great to see how excited she is. However brought up a lot of anxiety about what going there would be like mental health wise memories of having to manage all mental illness things myself and how things ended up at friedman. I know if we did move it would be different from back then, Jonathan would be totally on board and be sure we got the right resources. Still anything can happen with mental illness and I feel so anxious about not living at a mental health place. Am slightly comforted by knowing there are mental health places in the town where gateway is and that we could likely get back into Albany if needed knowing Jonathan. Still it was a lot of emotion to deal with.

Lastly the organization I volunteer with is having an event this weekend that I’m unable to go to. As are a bunch of others for many reasons but many many are going and talking about it. Just brought up a lot of feelings about going to workshops/ events/ etc and how my disabilities caused issues and just generally felt bad and stressed about it.

So just a lot going on at once.

Hoping tomorrow is better and Thursday I will be seeing Robbie so that will be epic!

Check out my blog

matterstosam.wordpress.com

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