long but good day

Hi

Today was long but ok. I got thrown off right at the start. Dr. Fyazz my psychiatrist was in today at seven. And she I guess had a meeting or something so was only here for a little while so I had to go. So I got dressed and went downstairs and sat there and I was soo tired. And I had to wait for like three people and I was really tired and wanted to have a meltdown. But then I thought about it, if I did I’d have to go to the nurse’s station deal with grumpy Ms. Earl maybe see a PRSC and it would be worse. So I kept it together. And saw her. Of course since I was so tired all I told her was how she woke me up and about the naps I take. Reassured her that that’s just part of Sammy’s day my nap routine. That was about all. She’s very quiet. Psychiatrists now it’s sad, it’s all about the meds. They really don’t get to know you. My first psychiatrist I did meds and therapy but that’s slowly fading. My parents had to pay for it.

I really liked Dr. Glyckman, Dr. Gil’s assistant. Well I guess she’s not a Dr. I think she’s a CN or whatever psych nurse. But she was good. Older interested in talking with people about stuff really reminded me of my first psych. But Gill was a complete nightmare so I’m glad I have fyazz.

So then I took an awesome nap and it still wasn’t long enough. Couldn’t see Jonathan at the regular time because he was out. He’s been saying for weeks and weeks, we have this thing where one day he was fixing my computer or something and we ended up sitting on the floor and having a therapy session. I think I might have even revealed to him that I cut that day, or I think I had given him something I was thinking of cutting with that I hid or something. It was something pretty big. And then when he finally got back from his wrist ordeal, he came to see me as soon as possible but he was still kinda zoned on painkillers, and he also has back issues that’s why he sits on a therapy ball, so he would just stretch out on my floor.

So it’s our thing he’s said recently each time he missed a session or he knew he was gonna miss he’d come sit on my floor. But today it got to be like twenty minutes after he said he’d be there and he still wasn’t there. So I left him a message: my floor is open!

And then he came and actually got the code for our door (that he programed!) right.

We had a great talk. We talked about a new PRSC who started. How neither of us have gotten applicants from either job add but that he’s interviewing a guy next week who could fill our last open spot. We talked about gateway and moving out, all theoretically. He mentioned he knew of therapists right around here I could see should I ever choose to live in an apartment here. And I honestly said and it’s hard to really articulate. I was like ya know I’ve just never felt comfortable with the idea of being in a a random apartment, even with jess outside the structure of some kind of assistive living community or something. And I said I don’t know if it’s bad, but I was like that’s just how I feel. That’s why gateway appeals to me. I just wish it was in Chicago. Edens is in Chicago but they didn’t seem too nice at all. I could have Mr. J talk to them though that might be an idea!

Anyway he was saying how it’s not good or bad it’s just what I’m comfortable with right now. That we could have the most perfect apartment situation ever and if I wasn’t comfortable it wouldn’t work. Which makes sense. And FYI to new readers, for me to even be having a conversation abnout possibly in a million years moving out is huge! To just even talk about maybe doing it. That’s how he and I work. Because if we go at something too aggressively or directly and say well ok you want to move so you need to do this and that right now. I’ll just shut down it will be too much. But just even talking about talking about doing it has been the way to go. That’s how we’ve gotten to the point where most of the time, I feel really good about visiting my parents. I can think about going there and really want the positives of it and feel like the negatives aren’t so terrible that they just outweigh everything. That’s gone back and forth depending on my mood but it’s pretty stable. Now it’s basically trying to pin down on their end what it is that’s the hold up.

But it was just little by little processing my feelings about it just throwing ideas around in theory. Anyway so he had mentioned he’d been looking into therapists around here that I might like. I was like you better not be getting rid of me! He’s like no LOL! I kinda doubt he was really looking for therapists specifically for me, he probably has many many coleagues and I’m sure networks like every minute. He was saying his former assistant works at one of the local hospital mental health clinics and he thinks she’s very good.

So we were talking about it. And I was like well honestly if I won’t be leaving and you still want me to keep reminding you why you love this job (that’s really one of the things he says our therapy does for him LOL!) we don’t need to really worry about that. But I said I’m wondering if you can find a music therapist or dance therapist that I could see for free, as in somehow on Medicaid or something. Because he had been saying I could see these people for free. I know what a long shot that is. Because in the US Medicaid hasn’t gotten that expressive arts therapy is as helpful if not more than other forms of therapy. But there could be someone working at a community mental health center like Greer at trilogy. We had an awesome drama therapy program there.

So that was his assignment. He looked at that hole in my computer and said that he can fix the problem hopefully just with really really strong glue. It’s some part that got lose. So that’ll be cool.

Nothing on the HP. He says that it probably is just getting worked on now.

So it was an awesome talk. Forgot to ask him, I was thinking about having some kind of weekly anouncements written up like with the menu, and activities and stuff like if staff are coming or going. Got the idea from the friedman place anouncements. But we’ll see. I know there’s a monthly newsletter but don’t know much about it. But will talk to him on that next week I’m sure. I always sit there and know I’m gonna forget something.

Saw Stephanie after dinner. She did come. Said things were wicked crazy last week monitoring someone for like four hours and didn’t leave til eleven. She seemed genuinely sorry. We chattered away. She was saying how she wouldn’t be able to take the staff doing hourly rounds. It was the kinda thing Edith would say, really personal and relaxed. I’m not attached to stephanie yet. I’m just getting to know her as someone I can maybe trust who has at least dropeed the clinical distance thing. When I do start to attach is when things will get really hard. Because I’ll be vulnerable then and depend on her. So hard to turn that corner for me especially with professionals who often don’t have a clue. But she’s doing ok. Plus she has Jonathan. He’s like probably the best supervisor you could hope for.

Other than that it’s been relaxing. Just a pretty full day for me.

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