repost: conversation with my parents sad about what I’m missing

Hi again,

Since e-mail works just fine I can write a million blog posts and they’ll get sent right to the site yay wordpress!!

So today talked to both my parents in a row. My mom was trying to call me when I was talking to my Dad. I was like “I was just talking to your cute and adorable husband!”

Anyway he called and asked if I’d gone on any ten mile walks LOL! Since I guess I said I was gonna take a walk last week. I teased him because he  is on fb now.  He said it’s to keep up with the cousins since he found out by chance one is engaged and he had no idea! So yeah. I said he should do a blog or youtube channel. He hates being recorded drove him nuts when I was little and I recorded everything.

But anyway. He was hanging out with Toby and was talking about how Toby is getting old. I guess he’s 12 and that’s old for labs. Their amazing vet raises them and he said he lost his two recent ones at nine and ten and Toby’s 12. I said I guessed that’s why some of my  friends who have lab guide dogs  seem to have to  retire them so early. Or it seems early anyway.

So that’s wicked sad. I really really hope that I can see him before something happens! He goes to the vet like a million times! He has so many issues like ear infection type stuff, needing his ears cleaned. Stomach issues,  paw chewing issues (the vet says he’s bored!) and who knows what else.

So I guess he’s going to this special theraputic hospital for animals to get a CT scan! I said good luck getting him to lay still bhut I guess they knock him out for it. My add loved telling me about this hospital with TVS and dog bones everywhere and swimming pools for dogs. And dogs walking around with casts and IVS like people! Somewhere there are probably cats. Maybe they’re on the second floor.

My dad teases me about Lucky being next to die. He pretends to hate him but no one can hate Lucky! Good thing he’s in good health. My mom puts blankets down for him because he has short furr and no simon to sleep with and Toby only tolerates him so long.

But OMG Toby better not die!

So anyway Mom and I were talking. Believe it or not Krissy is a senior next year! We were talking about how four years went by so fast just like with me. I said yeah I really wished that I’d let them into my life more at college. Which I hardly did. Because of everything going on. A huge part of that was Linda Marks, the person I leaned on for two and a half almost three years and trusted. Like a mother. A very emotionally unstable therapist. Her story will come sometime soon. Anyway she really advocated distance without much regard for my  family’s  feelings and didn’t seem to know how to do family therapy, according to my next therapist. So that did make things worse.

And it’s like you can’t take that back ya know? And my mom’s like there are no regrets in life. I was like sure there are or therapists wouldn’t be in business!

She always says there are no regrets and then secretly has a whole bunch of regrets and that’s what fuils her depression I think. Wow I’m an epic psychologist I should get a PHD!

But anyway I do feel unsettled that when I was at school forty five minutes  away from them I hardly spoke to them. And now that I’m doing well and would enjoy spending time with them, not all the time but ya know the kind of visits I could have had back then, I’m across the country and it’s imposible at the moment to even visit once! But of course I then said that Chicago really was the best thing for me. Because I wouldn’t have met either of my besties had it not been for FP or Albany. And if I had my breakdown in MA, which I strongly believe the breakdown would have happened eventually, I’d be a whole lot worse off. In  suburbia with no services I doubt I’d even be on meds. My parents might pay Dr. Lentz but I don’t even know if they’d do that. I had to pay her last bill I didn’t even think my mom owed. So yeah things happen for a reason I guess.

But it was a good conversation.

I do wonder about Krissy and what will happen. She loves wild life science and is so skilled with animals intuitively. But the teachers don’t seem very good and she’s having a really hard time with her classes and a hard time socially. Which I think the social part has a lot to do with my mom basically putting her in a cage her whole life, she couldn’t experiment with dating or having deifferent friends, and then her going off to college. Though she’s a strong person, as Jonathan said once victimized but not a victim, the emotional abuse has to have it’s scars somewhere.

So I just hope the best for her. But she works things out in her own way. “No therapy or pills like Sam!” That’s what she said at the end of first semester freshmen year after she’d been drinking a lot. But she got herself back on track. My mom says that there are good helpful people at the school and she just needs to find them. She was borderline learning disabled and I think could have done with an IEP. My dad thinks she should have stayed at the  montisorri school she spent two years at as the middle school program is supposed to be epic!But we’ll have to see how things go. She processes a lot to herself and in her head. Mom claims they have these long text convos and she would never tell her what to do watch them really be arguments.

I know if she needs me she’ll be in touch. We’re always there for each other. Though I refuse to move to Africa so she can play with bears! I would seriously be worried about  tropical germs. Plus I hate the outside.



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