I hope I can gather my thoughts enough to write what I need to. So today was yet another really boring day with no internet. And we found out at lunchtime that Jonathan was away on some training. So I sat and read various things after my nap and in the afternoon.
Well actually the morning was quite a stirr. One of the CNAS woke me up from my nap to tell me I had care plan today. I had no idea of course. But wasnC.
So time passed. I was nervous for the stephanie meeting. I figured no matter what excusaes she tried to pull I would insist on geting someone else. Jess left to give us privacy. So she came in. After some small talk stuff she was talking about how glad she was that the CNA came to tell me about Care Plan. I was very surprised that she had sent them rather than just coming down herself.
So apparently she didn’t know til like right then. Still I wish she had come down herself. She said stuff gets switched around and sometimes you don’t know til the very last minute. Whatever. I did call her on the asesments that were supposed to be completed I thought before the care plan. Apparently you have some leeway. I then asked her as I’d been planning to about how do other residents cope with like barely seeing her. She said yes some do see her all the time. Others do have sessions missed if things come up. She says she does try to always reach out with e-mail. Which I guess to her is equal to Edith stopping by. It’s just so weird to see a PRSC use e-mail this way when it’s usually so discouraged for anyone to even write a staff at all. But anyway I could see how she’s just so different from Edith but it’s not on purpose.
She said how in our situation it’s about still trying to figure out her role in my life. As Jonathan does most of the therapy stuff. Which I had to give her. Like things have changed so much. In the beginning it was all about being on the lookoutt for cutting and dealing with all that. And with Edith we went through a couple dayprograms. Then there was the whole me wanting to leave stress for her to deal with LOL! But I realized that I hadn’t given Stephanie any assignments at all.
So I decided to give her the benifit of the doubt around all of it for now, which would mean I would not forget and would confirm about the asesment stuff So anyway I told her about Anixter and how it had all these different disability programs and how maybe I could go to one. Or volunteer or something.
Within all this of course I rambled on about the stuff I’d done with Nai and the blind signing list and basically geting down to the fact that the best way to learn to sign blind, as Nai puts it, is individually. But how hard that is to find in the area. I told her about the whole VR mightmare and everyone’s kind of pulling a trick solution. Stephanie was asking what I’d do then if I learned it all and then couldn’t get a job. Ya know more like wouldn’t go down that route. I said I wasn’t sure but certainly to communicate better with Kat. I was in the middle of mentioning about Nai’s thoughts on moving to a state or city or something where there are more deafblind signing people when she interrupted.
“I know you don’t like surprises because you’ve said that several times.And I know how much you like May. So I wanted to let you know. She no longer lives here.”
The words hit me with a shock. ok?
I asked what happened. She said she had a fight with another peer yesterday, and that Jonathan and the rest thought that they’ve tried all they can and her needs just aren’t being met here. I don’t think I stopped crying through the rest of that meeting. I outlined how delicate and deep and strong our relationship has been. How just this weekend we were brainstorming around other ways of geting her connected communication wise. And I promised I’d be there for her.
Things just weren’t adding up though and still don’t. May has quite a temper. I know that since before we even started talking she’s known for it. So why now? The only other incidents I’ve heard of where fighting got someone emedieately discharged were like when Omeerra’s nose got broken by that girl, or a couple of other fights. Surely they could have at least kept her til they could find another place take their time in it. Now I’m terrified for her. With no planning where will she end up? It’s hard to get into other facilities if the history of agression or violence is why you were discharged. Never mind the deaf part. Which at least here she has Jonathan Karrey and Anna to sign to. What if she ends up someplace where no one knows any sign at all? There are deaf programs but they’re not like here. They’re group homes if I understand it, you can’t just be ploped right in one from the hospital. Which means she’d have to stay somewhere in the meantime so why couldn’t it be here. The only other options I can think of is once she told me she had a sister in Chicago. She called her bossy and said she hated living with her. Would she have to again? And can this woman really monitor her meds and health and everything? She wants so badly to live on her own but the thing is sadly she can’t. Not without huge supports and she has to admit she needs them. Without people making sure she takes her meds her mind will run wild. And there is the physical issue her overdrinking water til it’s dangerous for her health.
Taking a case of someone who isn’t disabled and geting them somewhere after a violence issue like this is very hard. With her the stakes go much higher. I’m afraid they’d put her in a locked facility or the state hospital. I sat there once while Jonathan was talking to Monica or Annie about a barely just new resident who he felt needed their meds managed at Reed the state hospital. He was sad about it but he did sign everything and sent her there. As much as he hates state hospitals or any other locked facilities and says no one should end up there. Mays been here since 2011 and I know it hasn’t been all bad for her. And I know Jonathan would move mountains for anyone of us. And is especially creative around disability issues. So why do this? Knowing the odds of things turning out ok being so low?
I could agnoze over it all day. And probably will until I can get a chance to confront Jonathan on it. Even then I know he can’t tell me much. I’m hoping I can at least leave a mesage for her at the hospital. I’m so wishing I could lie and say I’m a family member or her legal advocate (though I don’t even know if she has one of those, she s should!) but since all her family are deaf I couldn’t fool anyone. At some point I hope I can get her to sign something so that I can talk to whoever at wherever she is. But that would mean geting ahold of p her personally which is really hard if her cell and charger is packed away and if she’s not on fb. I guess we’ll have to see. I’m hoping this doesn’t affect any other deaf residents geting in here. I’m glad Stephanie told me. I said how I sure wouldn’t have believed May if she’d said she was not living here because she’s said it so much before. Right down to having gay foster parents! So I wouldn’t have known til seeing Jonathan.
It was an interesting turn. I started the day pritty convinced I was firing Stephanie and then ended up losing my second best friend here and having Stephanie be extremely supportive to me. I took an ativan but it’s really not doing much. I cry off and on. I just keep asking why and what could have gone differently. Tomorrow we’re going to Jess’s school for a final. And I can get on the school’s wifi. So I can post this and my other stuff I wrote yesterday. It sucks to have this happen with no internet to distract myself.