Really good therapy session Jonathan is the best!

So today was anxious for a while. Jonathan had gone out of the building to get stuff for the token store and I guess it was just major trafic and lines out the door of target I wonder why? LOL
But he was good. He kept e-mailing me saying we needed to push our meeting back. I was like we better meet!
It’s a good thing Jess and I caught him in the lobby you have to move fast to catch him! He is off tomorrow til tuesday. That said I have a feeling that if we hadn’t caught him we would have been able to talk on the phone or something. He knew I had had a really hard week.
So we had our session. I got to talk about what’s frustrating me with what’s going on with Jess and just get my feelings out. It’s really hard when you and a friend have similar issues, but are in totally different places and the issues have totally different reasons behind them and ways they affect each person. And my treatment in regards to our relationship has always been about making sure I’m taking care of myself and also then being able to support her. He was really reassuring when he said every day, even the days he’s off he’s working on this issue of her being back in our room again.
Others have said this including her caseworker to her, but just hearing it from him the way he said it really cemented it for me.
Then we talked about  May He said he’s called some facilities for her. He’s totally in agreement and as sad but determined as anyone in her care to find her a home. He was open to me continuing to learn ASL and understands she and I have a deep connection. He still can’t logically wrap his mind around a totally deaf person and totally blind person making communication work particularly in person as we did. But he knows we did and so is totally in synch with what the connection means to me.
We then talked about Stephanie. Who is not my PRSC anymore! Soo happy to say that! He actually said that I hung in there longer than he would have ever expected. And that I asked to make the switch earlier he would have done it. He’s always one for me to practice working on relationships with people and asking for support when I need it rather than interrupting that process. Unless of course that was what was needed.
He was impressed that I stuck it out. That even though we got off on the wrong foot I was actually willing to compromise. Actually did say in a couple e-mails and in person that I would go to her office for meetings if that would help. Which was huge for me.
He said that I still need to work on saying in the moment that I’m upset/ annoyed rather than later. Although he totally gets that this is a trigger for me, expressing in the moment especially with someone I don’t yet trust, or trust at all.
They talked she feels the same way. She can’t put her finger on what it is about our connection that didn’t work. I kind of can she just has this clinical vibe that just couldn’t fall away enough for her to really be with me in the moment. He was a little surprised that I had the impression of Anna that I had. He said she’s “different” we’ll see what that means LOL! I asked if any others jumped out at him for PRSCS and he said why not go with a good first impression and go for it.
Edith introduced Anna and I and she said she’d pick Anna for a possible new person. And at the time Stephanie was also just starting and everyone was saying really good things about her. I mean she is good! She’s engaged, I think she’s great for standing her ground in situations with certain residents. Every caseworker you would hope, works for at least some residents. That’s why thankfully there are like 10 of them so you can pick and choose which I like.
So I’m happy with that.
It was just such a huge relief to sit there with him and just express what I was feeling. I cried for like literally a second. I thought I’d get more emotional but I think I knew we didn’t have a whole lot of time. But for me just talking as I do on and on was a release. As well as his little metaphors on comparing mental illness to physical illness. Which gave me a fresh perspective on what’s going on with Jess and Kat, and myself when I’m having a hard time.
We both agreed on how my problem solving, whether it’s googling information to send to someone, or even contacting a couple of agencies today really helped. And they got back to me very promptly and respectfully. In one case I put on my most professional act and said I was a volunteer in the PSR program wanting the clinical director to consult on a case. And it worked. I mean they believed it and were just really engaged on sending us/ him the person he would need to talk to.
So now I know that this person I’m worried about has at least a bit of hopefully a headstart on geting good care.
So yeah it’s incredible what a good therapist can do. And he’s just amazing for me. So today’s lesson: Finding a therapist that works for you, especially if you have chronic mental illness is worth it! Like esential. I was telling him I’d been reading back over journals from when I was 18.5. When I first started cutting. And how I really could have used him back then.
It was also unexpected and nice to have it recognized the positives of what I did with Stephanie.
So yeah great session before the holidays!

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