So last wrote this morning after being up all night and making that video.
From there I actually never could settle to sleep at all today! Which is rare often when I get up super in the middle of the night I will sleep the day away. But I couldn’t stop thinking.
A lot of it was about toys and creativity and how healing adult play is and just stuff I can’t even put into words.
On the other hand so much stress. Jess still not back in our room. She can only stay a few hours at a time during the day. The general boundaries were laid out when she first started needing the observation room periodically. They trust her word on it and she’s not about to break that. So no overnight stays obveously. Or all day except christmas.
But it just makes it hard on me emotionally. Just not normal and dragging on for so long.
I just miss having her here. being a little mother/ big sis and inforcing my night routine! And just yeah feel more comfortable. Except she startled me this morning just moving on her bed so in a way guess I’m not used to noise in here other than my own.
Then of course Ms. Billy passing. I’m sure that’s weighing on me on some level.
Then May still in the hospital. Wrote the hospital social worker on that today. I’ll be surprised if he’s in this week but will try to call tomorrow. She was doing ok when I last talked to her but she has to find a home. I can’t imagine what she’s going through in mid air for so long.
Maybe that’s why my mind is going towards creativity and toys as an outlet.
Jess is geting good use of the legos on the bright side. And I know she’ll atack the art therapy book at some point. She wants to be extra careful with it physically like not rip or damage the pages might make copies of things. So she does love it.
Other odds and ends. Was not accepted into a deafblind fb group. There are so few groups for both deaf and blind people which I guess is why they’re protective of this one being for deafblind and not anything like hearing blind.
Somehow I just thought they’d make an exception. The person did listen and affirmed what I’m doing. Of course she teaches tactile sign stuff out in tx sigh.
Also have been going crazy trying to contact someone about the signing doll. I so need this doll! The person who makes it obveously puts a lot of love and work into the dolls and very little into marketing/ putting out contact info ETC. So is gonna take some tracking down. They do say that they donate dolls to people if needed so hoping this can be the case with me.
So far have only been able to e-mail people who responded to a story on a blog about it, saying they’ve gotten a doll or wanted one. So I sort of followed up with them. They’ll probably think I’m so weird.
But I don’t care. if this doll can help me sign at all I want her.
Was thinking more about disabled dolls. And how us blindys should start a line of blind specific accessories like different style canes, tiney brailler, and I don’t know other stuff! Not just dark glasses and a guide dog which they call seeing eye dog which I don’t even think is the right term LOL!
So all this is running through my head along with all the stress. Jess said write it out including all my ideas, a prioritized toys list as shopping was fuiling the racing thoughts and hopefully can sleep better tonight.
The most recent development with poor Jess is that one of the few close in person friends she has lost a family member suddenly that she was close to. Which is heartbreaking especially along with everything else. And she also found out that as far as she understands she can’t permanently come back to the room until she starts seeing a therapist! At any rate not this week as her caseworker is off tomorrow and friday.
So yeah not what I wanted to hear. Hoping I’m burnt out now and can just sleep.