So today is the last day of 2016 what a year I’ve had!
So we’re all on the same page here’s my post from this time last year
So let’s look at where we are now:
I did have Edith until July of this year. I successfully nigotiated a difficult relationship with a bad fit for a case manager well a couple actually and Jonathan said I did it well being as open as I can, which is huge, compromising and in general sticking particularly with Stephanie longer than he would have expected. Now am starting out with Anna and we’ll see where that goes.
Have kept Dr. Fyazz. No med changes at all. No hospitalizations. However at the end of January she is retiring from her work at facilities, and the amazing psych unit. Which I kind of wanted to go to just because it’s really awesome LOL! So we’ll be geting someone new for me that hopefully is understanding sensitive and sensible about meds understand self-harm and goes to a decent hospital!
I figured out recently that the last time I cut was november 10th of 2015. And this remains the case.
I got through several Jess related difficult situations as in hospitalizations both medical and psych, overnight sleep test appointments and now her short term stay in the observation room without going into crisis myself which is huge.
I got through a huge technology crisis that went on for months where everything seemed to be breaking down at once. Jonathan was instrumental in eventually geting everything fixed again but it was an extremely hard time. But again I didn’t go into crisis or cut.
Had my one year aniversary with crisis textline in september I believe! I’ve gotten so much from my connections with this organization. To see them really take feedback from all sides and take quick but really efficent action is so great. Have never quite encountered such an organization. Was also thrilled to be a part of the accessibility team working along side web design staff.
I established a partnership with Jonathan around Human resources in regards to hiring new caseworkers. I completed this task well sorting through resumes giving my honest thoughts on things and following through on everything. I hope to continue to do this.
I am still just as connected with all my online mental health friends. Sadly haven’t found any in person groups. A lot has to do with money and insurance but we’ll keep working on it.
Connected with Kat and started really exploring ASL, as a blind signer, and deaf culture. Our relationship has been the best thing this year I think. She’s truly deeply found her way into my heart and I think I have hers. Right now she’s emotionally fighting for her life both against her illness and against a truly uncaring and crazy making system that’s literally denying her a home. I plan to stand behind her one hundred percent and am sending out hope that she will find a home that works for her. And if it means moving out of state we’ll always be good friends.
My strong desire to learn ASL, even when no one thought I could brought me to connect with Nai Damato a truly compassionate talented person. I now know about how absolutely a blind person can be an ASL interpreter. I also am learning more about the autistic community, social justice and what it’s like to be friends with someone so truly self-aware and up front about their moment to moment feelings/ thoughts it’s striking.
Through Nai I also met Lavonya. The beautiful Unicorn! Who sadly we lost in august of this year. Her spiret and perspective as a deaf blind autistic super cool mom will touch me forever. I met her friend Sarah who has done respite care for her autistic daughter and her for years. This makes me want to pursue similar work volunteering and connecting with those of all disabilities and finding the common ground and enriching each others lives. Through Kat, Nai, Lavonya Sarah and just my own experience challenging such tightly held beliefs about communication between people I feel like it’s opened up a new thread and journey in my life.
What else. Oh I gained weight lol! Don’t know how much I weighed in 2015 but I’m now around 136 and maintaining. It was awesome to recently skype with my family and hear them say I looked “really good!” and not like a twig anymore! They still tease me endlessly about going for walks. If I make that a goal for this year my Dad will hit the floor with a heart atack!
goals for 2017:
Continue therapy with Jonathan. Possibly look into a group, or second expressive arts or other specialized therapist to compliment our work.
Watch all of Switched at birth with AD and enjoy that Robbie and the accessible digital media project plus some amazing folks on both the audio description and network end won that one! Continue to work on similar projects for access to media including books, tv/ movies, websites ETC.
Continue to pursue ASL, connections across perceived boundaries of disability and my new friendships.
Jess and I visiting my family! We’ll see how many years this sits on the list.
If not that, then Jess and I going on some kind of vacation like possibly to a friend’s house? An online friend or something! We haven’t been out of albany in three years anywhere overnight except the hospital we need a vacation and if we’re doing well I bet we can figure something out.
Get connected with cat shelter. Again this was on the list but never realized.
Continue with crisis textline! Continue working on accessibility, strengthening the community through any creative ideas or feedback and just in general becoming more a part of things.
One thing I noticed is how hard it was for me to articulate my feelings or even admit my thoughts about wanting to maybe move out. Where now it’s a common thing that people know this. They know exactly what I am thinking I’d be ok with, what right now, I don’t think I could handle ETC. As I talk with more and more disabled people who are self-aware and feel safe enough to claim their needs without apology I’m starting to do the same. Starting to not care or worry about people who will judge me for poor mobility skills not living on my own, in the tradditional sense, or even wanting to ETC. I’m much more focused on surounding myself with people who will truly accept me for who I am even if that is unsure or changing.
Possibilities that have unexpectedly come up in the past week due to really intense mood shift:
Hopefully learning to manage this new feeling of intense energy, focus and overwhelming desire to act on a million ideas at once, all positive but still. Learning to try and do normal things like sleep without my brain insisting I do something that could tutally wait but feeling irationally like I can’t.
Capitalizing on the positive energy by: Exploring realistic creative writing, fiction around the themes of mental illness, working in human services/ social work, people with disabilities ETC.
Seriously investigating the toy like me campiagn and connecting with players in that group.
Discussing and even perhaps helping invent blindness or other disabled dolls/ toys specific to whatever needs the child has.
Exploring play therapy for adults. Doing it informally for myself at home. Doing other creative writing using props such as dolls and other toys as the foundation of these stories.
This all seems so crazy and before monday night I never would have thought in a million years about any of this. Or that geting a few dolls and learning to dress and undress them and pretending I’m their mom would open up something so new, incredibly positive at the same time a bit scary.
So I think I’ve made my goals for the year very clearand got a chance to reflect on the past year. We’ll see what unfolds! I will invite you into the daily journey as it happens and know you support me as I support all of you in having a great year!