exhausted and done for the week

 

Hi everyone,

I’m just totally exhausted. This has felt like the longest rollercoaster of a week. Between starting with me still on my creative high from a few days after Christmas. But then more and more focusing on researching and connecting for  May. Each day it’s just weighed on me more and more. People might say it’s not my place even as a friend and that I should just let the social worker do his thing. But when he got on the phone with me and I said I really want  her to have an accessible new home/ facility and he said me too any ideas? He opened the door for me to work with him on this. And I’m in for as long as it takes. It just hurts so much because I’ve been in this position and I hope not, but could be again one day. If so I’d want someone to fight as hard for and with me as I am for  may. So the little glimmer of hope we thought we made yesterday turned out to be a big nothing. And for once it wasn’t the place’s fault.   The facility did not accept her managed care medicaid and she was under the age limit to go. So that just really brought me down. Because I was really hoping we had something there. But I’ll keep writing anyone I can think of.

But I’m just so tired like emotionally. Jess says I need a break for the weekend. To just relax and read and search for toys and write about whatever as long as it isn’t this. And I agree I haven’t been so drained in a long time.

Didn’t get to see Jonathan today either. Everyone was probably going crazy today it was so cold out they did a lock down, well not lock down I guess lock in no one could leave the building. So that gets residents all agitated of course.

But I want to say to him why oh why did you discharge her! When you knew this would happen. I mean if people tried placing her for months and months before this point that should have given them a clue. I guess things just broke down to the point of no return but they might as well have discharged her to the streets. Yes I know she has an awesome unit and doctors, but if not for that she would have nothing. And she still is homeless.

I’ve had it suggested to contact the school for the deaf. The schools for the blind have been historically at least I’ve been told by friends that have gone there, bad with mental illness. Like really bad. Like caused it in many many cases like abusive bad.

But I’ll try anything. Except I’m very reluctant to contact the state agency for the deaf unless I got an actual contact that someone could vouch for. Because I have a feeling that just like when people hear blind and think oh here’s services for the blind from the state! They’ll solve all your problems. They might feel that way about deaf services not realizing they have very clear and uncaring limits likely similar to blind services.

Maybe I’ll start trying to find bloggers or like deaf journalists or something like that. I mean I’ve yet to find someone who’s told me for sure this is not ok and here’s what we’re gonna do about it! So far all I’ve gotten from professionals! Is well yeah it sad this does happen. I don’t even want to ask what actually happened that they know of with people in the end as I’m sure it’s not good.

But like I said I can’t give up on her.

And in case people are wondering she’s totally advocating for herself! She told me yesterday about how all her friends know she’s homeless. She has friends from all different states but for one reason or another mostly due to having families, they can’t take her. And I found out I’m her seventh best friend LOL! It was just so funny and so good to hear her tell a long story. To hear a deaf person tell a story. You wouldn’t think it could happen but it can. It’s like those dreams I had about her talking to me and chattering on and on and us two really connecting. We have that now thanks to the amazing profession of interpreting!

I know I totally sound like a sighted person freaking out over a blind person using a computer or reading Braille. But I guess you just can’t help it. Like I had so many perceptions about  her that are totally wrong I know now since actually being able to talk with her. Like I saw her as this extremely lonely person with absolutely no one in her life besides Jess and I. Turns out she has friends in NY, FL, CA and a lot in Cambodia!

And she was like gossiping about their lives and everything it was just soo funny.

So hopefully Monday I’ll feel more energized. Or somehow get some more ideas.

I talked to a woman earlier on fb who lives in IL and works with kids with intellectual disabilities. She was telling me that it’s pretty bad for them too. Like they have some programs for MI/ID but they’re so specialized, like the deaf programs that I bet they’re just as full. She said she had this one kid with psych issues who needed a psych place I don’t know if it was short term or long term but no one would take him!

I do wonder what would happen if  May was a kid in foster care. If all the foster homes would reject her too. I mean it’s really the same concept. She can’t live on her own is vulnerable and dependent on state services. I just don’t understand where all these people’s heads are at.

So yeah I’m just gonna try to put it out of my mind for the weekend. And we’ll take it from there.

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One thought on “exhausted and done for the week

  1. i’m glad your taking a break. I think you need that to rejuvenate and recharge. good luck finding something for her! it sounds like there really is nothing. very very sad! xxx

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