doing some editing and powerful lesson around consent to share information

Hi everyone,

I have recently learned some important lessons around sensitivity to personal information revealed by one person to another and how vital it is that this person then ask permission to repeat this, regardless if the person feels nothing would come out of the telling. Or the person never said don’t repeat this.

This is especially important in the survivor/ disability/ GLBTQ communities. I had to deal with a tough situation involving some friends feeling that information I shared about someone totally unrelated to our circle was way too much and it made them uncomfortable that I didn’t ask permission/ said so many details.

This is a totally new concept. I understand confidentiality but this is a bit more complex. I feel bad that I never heard of it before and wonder how many people I’ve heard by ignorantly saying things. I plan to work on this in my life as I want to be good friends to my friends and be seen as a person who you can share with and feel comfortable opening up to.

This has also made me consider this blog and how much I share in talking about my personal life and including names/ descriptions of the people in it. I do apologize to anyone if I’ve said things that were meant not to be shared or that when reading them, make others uncomfortable that I shared about someone to that degree. There is one clear case of this in my life at the moment and will be editing posts to reflect this.

So in my editing and in future I will be trying to honor this value which I said is new to me but I do want to learn. I will be clearly stating whether I have permission to share something. And just to be safe create fictional names and shape the narrative in ways that don’t give away details about another person’s life where I can.

Please be patient as I learn this new way of relating to others. I may mess up and I apologize in advance.

And please readers feel free to give me feedback, privately or in comments on how this is going or if you feel uncomfortable.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “doing some editing and powerful lesson around consent to share information

  1. Weirdly enough, I’ve had some female housemates get angry at me because they came to me loudly telling about their secrets, highlighting they were secrets, then getting angry because I didn’t pass on their stories to others. I don’t still quite understand how they (or people like them) think, but I’m a huge fan of privacy. And of NDAs for work, whether it’s working for a tech company or dealing with people.

    I also love stories, and learning from people. So my compromise is sort of treating everything like a psychologist might, redacting all personal and identifying info if sharing something about someone else, even if it might seem harmless and impersonal. So instead of having a Jimmy T., who is 29 and works for Xyz, and then continuing with the story, just redact those bits, even when the story will be positive. It kind of feels weird, as blurring out details of words, when on the same time I know a lot of people post a lot of photos everywhere, so even if you’ll say nothing, after a night out you might be in dozens of different people’s random instagrams or other photostreams. But blurred out (or having personal idenfitying info changed if better for a particular context) stories can still be as good and warm and well told, even better than with those with more detail.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s