So today was a little more productive than yesterday.
They tested the fire alarms and I didn’t freak out. They did it at eleven which was when I get up from my nap anyway. The good thing is you get to stay in your room when they’re just testing. If it’s a real drill you have to go to the dayroom where for some reason there are two additional alarms, with different sounds to the one also in the hallway. So it’s the worst by the nurse’s station/ day room. And I have no idea why they need three alarms. One is bad enough!
The loudest thing for me today though was the dining room at lunch. Often it seems like the staff more than the residents talk at the top of their lungs. I had to cover my ears it was like OMG!
I saw Mr. J. He was very distracted. I think he was writing or drawing or something while I was talking. Which I’m not surprised at he’s like so hyper doing stuff at once but usually he tells me what he’s doing. I can only think he was drawing crazy pictures of residents or staff or something LOL!
We talked about stuff but he was distracted so yeah. He was glad that my appointment with Dr. Patel went well. Oh did I tell you guys that? Yeah! It went well. She was very nice like fyazz and very impressed I haven’t self-harmed since 2015!
Anyway I also talked to him about switching my medical Dr. Anna joining the hate over BK Sha has given me confidence to not put up with absolutely hating the idea of seeing my Dr. Really you shouldn’t have to feel that way! J said he likes Yugazo very well. I pointed out he said that about BK and he said not every doctor is for everyone. I said it’s pretty bad when you know you could probably get better answers from google!
So will have Anna try and make that switch.
I told him my fears around Anna leaving. She’s very open and honest about it saying she’s not sure how long she’ll be staying in Chicago or if she’ll be going back to school or not. It makes me very uneasy to hear that and there are good and bad things about a person being that open with their client about leaving.
But he said it’s good to know but also does cause anxiety. And that if I keep thinking about I’ll get more anxious and to not worry about problems that aren’t there yet. It wouldn’t matter if I hadn’t connected. But I have. She really showed her commitment this past week with the bedbug stuff! She was so much like Edith about the whole thing. I know how much she cares.
Maybe there’s something to her going on about helping me “in the time she has with me” if it is true that that time is shorter than I’d like.
So I guess I’ll just keep doing good work with her and go from there. Living here though having long term security of the same caseworker is so important and I honestly couldn’t imagine having to switch now.
It’s still a huge worry and because he was so distant and distracted it was a shortened conversation that I had gone in thinking would somehow be more in depth and emotional. Just a feeling I had. I’m sure we’ll get there.
I asked about my deaf friend. I guess he found out she’s not doing well with her health issues which really makes me mad because that’s why she was transferred out in the first place. And where she is was done so she basically wouldn’t be homeless. He thinks she’s not online due to not doing well. But I don’t know. She did communicate well even when not doing well in the past. He did promise he’d get a relay phone number, or something for the place so I could talk with her.
I said how much I miss her. He said he hoped they could maintain her there. I can’t imagine what will happen to her if they can’t.
I told him about my stomach issues and the food I.E fruit plates/ pineapple and no other substitutes that I’ll eat. He said he would check that out. He thought they gave us hot dogs for substitute Jess and I were like we wish.
I went on for a bit about supportive living and my huge issues with them not accepting those with mental illness. Not just not accepting but if the person is there not wanting the responsibility to even understand what’s going on. And that person having to carry the weight of all that in an environment that’s supposed to support their daily needs. My friend from the place for the blind says he feels this at times too, having to keep his emotions in and he doesn’t even live here.
I talked about wanting to move states and go back to MA. And how I’d looked at different agencies and it seems like about everything, including support in your own apartment is funded through department of mental health. I’ve also written a couple agencies in a couple other new England states with the general response being sorry we can’t help you, you’re very articulate/ insightful/ intelligent etc. One said to just stay in IL where I have funding. Which I guess practically makes sense, as in being practical. But to move out and live in IL as Jonathan is so sure we could would mean relying on what I know from experiencing it at Friedman, are really bad community mental health services. These programs basically put you in an apartment with furniture say you have all these services but then stuff drops off. Who knows it might be the same in MA but at least there are more volunteer oppurtunities out there for peer support, hotlines, things I’m very passionate about. Hey maybe even a friendlier deaf/ blind signing community!
I just wonder if since Jess and I are basically under the department of mental health in IL, have had several hospitalizations ETC if that would sort of transfer over to MA. Something I’d like to explore ongoing.
I really would like to connect with mental health consumers in MA. Found one FB group that is for MA mental health professionals. Hoping they can direct me to somewhere.
Anyway randomly in all this Mr. J took out a dollar and I guess there’s this site where you type in the serial number on the bill and it says where that bill has been, like someone could have had it in other states or whatever. Like a money tracking thing I guess! So he was really distracted or bored or something LOL. We ended early which was fine. He was extremely happy about the new condition of my skin. I’m almost 100 percent sure we found the culprit last week!
Other than that have done FB stuff. Have/ will hopefully write a couple more e-mails around audio book things. Looked over the notes Robbie made about his discussion with the head of the audio book association and it was really good! So I’m optimistic about that.
Not much else for today. Oh have a good valentine’s day almost forgot! Did not remember til Jess reminded me.