Tuesday distracted therapy session

So today was a little more productive than yesterday.

They tested the fire alarms and I didn’t freak out. They did it at eleven which was when I get up from my nap anyway. The good thing is you get to stay in your room when they’re just testing. If it’s a real drill you have to go to the dayroom where for some reason there are two additional alarms, with different sounds to the one also in the hallway. So it’s the worst by the nurse’s station/ day room. And I have no idea why they need three alarms. One is bad enough!

The loudest thing for me today though was the dining room at lunch. Often it seems like the staff more than the residents talk at the top of their lungs. I had to cover my ears it was like OMG!

I saw Mr. J. He was very distracted. I think he was writing or drawing or something while I was talking. Which I’m not surprised at he’s like so hyper doing stuff at once but usually he tells me what he’s doing. I can only think he was drawing crazy pictures of residents or staff or something LOL!

We talked about stuff but he was distracted so yeah. He was glad that my appointment with Dr. Patel went well. Oh did I tell you guys that? Yeah! It went well. She was very nice like fyazz and very impressed I haven’t self-harmed since 2015!

Anyway I also talked to him about switching my medical Dr. Anna joining the hate over BK Sha has given me confidence to not put up with absolutely hating the idea of seeing my Dr. Really you shouldn’t have to feel that way! J said he likes Yugazo very well. I pointed out he said that about BK and he said not every doctor is for everyone. I said it’s pretty bad when you know you could probably get better answers from google!

So will have Anna try and make that switch.

I told him my fears around Anna leaving. She’s very open and honest about it saying she’s not sure how long she’ll be staying in Chicago or if she’ll be going back to school or not. It makes me very uneasy to hear that and there are good and bad things about a person being that open with their client about leaving.

But he said it’s good to know but also does cause anxiety. And that if I keep thinking about I’ll get more anxious and to not worry about problems that aren’t there yet. It wouldn’t matter if I hadn’t connected. But I have. She really showed her commitment this past week with the bedbug stuff! She was so much like Edith about the whole thing. I know how much she cares.

Maybe there’s something to her going on about helping me “in the time she has with me” if it is true that that time is shorter than I’d like.

So I guess I’ll just keep doing good work with her and go from there. Living here though having long term security of the same caseworker is so important and I honestly couldn’t imagine having to switch now.

It’s still a huge worry and because he was so distant and distracted it was a shortened conversation that I had gone in thinking would somehow be more in depth and emotional. Just a feeling I had. I’m sure we’ll get there.

I asked about my deaf friend. I guess he found out she’s not doing well with her health issues which really makes me mad because that’s why she was transferred out in the first place. And where she is was done so she basically wouldn’t be homeless. He thinks she’s not online due to not doing well. But I don’t know. She did communicate well even when not doing well in the past. He did promise he’d get a relay phone number, or something for the place so I could talk with her.

I said how much I miss her. He said he hoped they could maintain her there. I can’t imagine what will happen to her if they can’t.

I told him about my stomach issues and the food I.E fruit plates/ pineapple and no other substitutes that I’ll eat. He said he would check that out. He thought they gave us hot dogs for substitute Jess and I were like we wish.

I went on for a bit about supportive living and my huge issues with them not accepting those with mental illness. Not just not accepting but if the person is there not wanting the responsibility to even understand what’s going on. And that person having to carry the weight of all that in an environment that’s supposed to support their daily needs. My friend from the place for the blind says he feels this at times too, having to keep his emotions in and he doesn’t even live here.

I talked about wanting to move states and go back to MA. And how I’d looked at different agencies and it seems like about everything, including support in your own apartment is funded through department of mental health. I’ve also written a couple agencies in a couple other new England states with the general response being sorry we can’t help you, you’re very articulate/ insightful/ intelligent etc. One said to just stay in IL where I have funding. Which I guess practically makes sense, as in being practical. But to move out and live in IL as Jonathan is so sure we could would mean relying on what I know from experiencing it at Friedman, are really bad community mental health services. These programs basically put you in an apartment with furniture say you have all these services but then stuff drops off. Who knows it might be the same in MA but at least there are more volunteer oppurtunities out there for peer support, hotlines, things I’m very passionate about. Hey maybe even a friendlier deaf/ blind signing community!

I just wonder if since Jess and I are basically under the department of mental health in IL, have had several hospitalizations ETC if that would sort of transfer over to MA. Something I’d like to explore ongoing.

I really would like to connect with mental health consumers in MA. Found one FB group that is for MA mental health professionals. Hoping they can direct me to somewhere.

Anyway randomly in all this Mr. J took out a dollar and I guess there’s this site where you type in the serial number on the bill and it says where that bill has been, like someone could have had it in other states or whatever. Like a money tracking thing I guess! So he was really distracted or bored or something LOL. We ended early which was fine. He was extremely happy about the new condition of my skin. I’m almost 100 percent sure we found the culprit last week!

Other than that have done FB stuff. Have/ will hopefully write a couple more e-mails around audio book things. Looked over the notes Robbie made about his discussion with the head of the audio book association and it was really good! So I’m optimistic about that.

Not much else for today. Oh have a good valentine’s day almost forgot! Did not remember til Jess reminded me.

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12 thoughts on “Tuesday distracted therapy session

    • For the longest time we didn’t think they were! I don’t think anyone ever thought our room would get them. Because we’re so clean don’t like hang out in the dayrooms and stuff where there might be infested furniture ETC. I’m just glad that it’s solved. Of course every little itch makes me so anxious. Trying to put a firned’s horor story out of my mind about her whole house being treated and then bugs coming back through the outlets.

  1. You can’t see for some reason that this is a toxic, abusive relationship, like your “big sister”continuing to infantalize you. Playing with dolls? You’re closer to thirty than six years old. Each year you spend in Albany Care is another year of your life you’ve thrown away, The facility is toxic, yet your Stockholm syndrome makes you champion it and Jonathan. If all were right in the world you would not be allowed to pimp the place in your blog and pretend to be staff. You should not be screening Prsc employees and I have told appropriate people and they’re looking into whether any laws are being broken.
    The only reason I visited this blog today is because three years later somebody got on my case about not helping you anymore. naomi, do you remember them? Probably not becausecof how self centered you are. Why was I obligated for life? You’re not femily, you were barely a friend. You never bothered to get to know me and you really only seem to care about all of your own, selfish crap. The 2nd week I was dragging you around the building the 5th floor nurse screamed at me for it. You are the kind of person that keeps 25 codependents busy. Learn to use your cane. Get tested for diabetes. Learn and realize that the future for residents of places like this is not living in places like this. You have never worked and don’t realize what things cost, Albany Care and places like it spend less than the bare minimum to run the place. There’s no money for “sensory rooms” and all the other fantasy world things you dream about.
    I know you “big sister” will inevitably bully me again over this, Your relationship is sick, The minute I introduced you two she wanted you to herself and since I was literally hurting myself helping you so I just let her have you. It’s a testament to what a pain in the butt you are that I can’t escape having known you for six of the worst months of my life. When I asked you for the cheap earbuds the nurses acted like they were guarding you in that room. They will contend I just wanted to date you or some other overprotective thing. That’s projecting. I felt bad that Albany had no way or plans for blind people but the trouble I experienced helping you evaporated my concern.
    The future, if Trump doesn’t destroy the country, is most people in facilities like Albany Care to move out and be as independent as their illness allows. You wanting more people to move in is sick.
    Also, I read you celebrated the life of “Miss Billie”. That racist old twat treated the residents like garbage and had zero training to deal with their issues. She also harassed me whenever I overslept or flaked on dragging you around the building. It was HER job to do that, not mine, People far more disabled than you get around the city fine, I don’t see very well myself and I didn’t depend on staff. I didn’t owe you being your guide dog since you had zero interest in my personal interests or cared to actually know me.
    You need to take down everything about your deaf friend. Though they may not have the concept of their business being told to the entire Internet, their privacy is still being violated by you. As far as I know she’s still a (x agency) client and told a supervisor about this as well. If you didn’t have your head up your butt you would have known right away they went for years without anybody to “talk to” in there. I’d feel violent, too not being able to communicate for years. They fill any bed with any body they can with little regard to actually providing for their actual needs. That’s why there was the Williams consent decree lawsuit and that’s why there was money to remove anybody who deserved to live on their own.
    I’ve blocked all the email addresses associated with the parties involved. I don’t fear Jonathan. If by chance I did end up back in there I’d find an easy way to get kicked right back out. I’m not worth suing, and I have sued somebody and it’s far more difficult than you think.
    Think long and hard about the irresponsible actions you’ve taken with your blog here. You’ll find you’ve done a lot of harm here.

    • LOL. 🙂 So you’ve popped around yet again, huh? Well, that’s okay. It’s your life. I am curious about something, though. If you are so disgruntled about Albany, Sam, me, and everyone else around here… why do you feel the need to read her blog and then reply to a post?

      At any rate, have a great night, ‘NO’, and a great life. I do hope that you find your way to peace and happiness. Good luck to you. 🙂

      • Because she’s promoting a place that abuses people. And people continue to bring it and her up. Maybe if you dragged yourself out of there and to Trilogy you get bombarded with stupid questions about her. I’ve been asked less intrusive questions about people I’ve nearly married. I was on the bus with Nicole and they felt the need to bring this shit up. Tell everybody in there to shut the fuck up.
        I am far beyond disgruntled, my time there fucked me up for life. Also, you don’t have to be baby Sam’s press secretary.
        Her parents need to drag her out of your life. And away from Jonathan.
        I go to your favorite Walmart alot, maybe you can bully me there. The way you ran me off is alot like something more traumatic and I was only trying to do the right thing. If you bothered to get to know me..

        Final note: Star Trek Voyager sucks.

    • I put some thought about whether to let this comment in or not. I truly believe in freedom of speech and I have absolutely nothing to hide or defend so in that line I allowed it. People are free to have their own oppinions that doesn’t change what I choose to do on here.
      First of all hi. Can’t say it’s nice to hear from you again at least not in this mood. I find it interesting that you clearly are still so angry and upset about our time here and yet continue rto post comments like this. You continue to thoroughly read my blog, your comment proves you did more than a quick scan as you refferenced some posts f from awhile back. So that always gets me. If you want this part of your life behind you and hate me and others here so much why continue engaging?
      To your points. First of all I can assure that Jonathan is not breaking any laws by allowing a consumer to work alongside him as I am doing. It’s called peer work and is actually quite empowering. He’s the one who brought up my being a part of the hiring process, within the limits of what a consumer can do. I’m sure he’d be happy to reassure whoever you send his way on this.
      I do know that cost of living, well not the numbers but I see very good friends struggling terribly month to month with food meds, huge increase in symptoms. All of which they have to deal with basically on their own. Though places like albany care do have their porlbmes (which I’m not afraid to point out) they have their strengths. One being the ability to serve a lot of people and give them the basics. I would rather stay here where I get my meds, food, clean house ETC than in the spiret of some standard of “independence” be in what I consider a much more vulnerable and isolated position living dayy to day.
      As for our relationship. If you were considering it dragging me around the building/ being my guide dog the second week I would have loved for you to have been honest and stopped things there for both our sakes.
      I am gratefl for connecting Jess and I though our first real meeting was at IHOP without you. I do give you credit for the introductions here. I now have a big sister for life.
      Whateles? Oh it’s interesting that in respect to one’s privacy, you accused me of violating when you were the one who used full name and name of agency, which I edited out. I’ve never used anything but a nickname. I have carefully edited all post about her and taken out even that, used a made up name or or general terms.
      I will not remove these posts as they’re powerful, and I feel could be helpful to others in the same situation. And of course I knew about her isolation. Why do you think I worked so hard to connect? We’ll always be friends I know that.
      Well that’s about all. People can say I’m doing harm, but I know others feel differently. And I won’t stop writing. It’s an outlet for me and a point of connection for others. If people have an issue they’re free to voice their thoughts and I’ll consider it as I did with removing person’s nickname. But I don’t believe much of what you’re saying around anyone taking action based on anything written here, and certainly not filtered through your resentful mind.
      I really hope you come to put this behind you if that’s what you truly want.

      • When people stop harassing me I’ll let it go. I read the whole blog because I am
        thorough. It’s hard to let go getting punched in the face in your sleep and my Prsc sabotaging my move out and my roommate raping elderly ladies feet away from me. I still expect some idiot to burst into my room and assault me in my sleep. The two of you didn’t care to know that kind of shit happened to me.
        Your beloved “Miss Billie ” and the other Cnas insisted that I was the only person qualified to drag you around the building. I was told it was my obligation. People took huge advantage of me most of my life and what happened there was the final straw. Its been since 2014 and I still get told off for leaving my “job”.
        I won’t ever be at peace because of a lot of things. People I counted on to help me made me worse.

  2. Hm. Someone is still really pissed off. Suit yourself, ‘no’. I actually meant what I said about you finding some peace and happyness.

    As for other people from Albany Care, especially one particular girl who holds her own grudge, they have their opinions, just as you do. I have no control over them, nor do I have any control over you and whatever is going on within your life. Nor do I want to. If you want them to hush, then you tell them yourself. I am not friends with the person you mentioned, nor will I ever be.

    I had, at one time, tried to get to know you. And I’d try to get to know you better now, except … well, your anger towards me after all this time is something that I do not want to be around. I’m sorry, but I have better things to do than to listen to someone who is always so angry about the past.

    I’d also apologise to you about some things, but I’m not entirely sure it would do any good. Still: I am sorry for the way I treated you during that last part of your stay here, ‘no’, and for the things that was said during our last argument.

    Sam can speak for herself. I do not need to defend her (although I would if it was needed), nor do I need to speak for her. I had my own question(s) that I wanted to ask, so I did. And you’ve answered, so thank you.

    Good luck to you in your future endeavors. And as I said, I do hope that you are able to find peace within your life.

  3. You know, I do remember you telling me about some of the things that you mentioned, ‘no’. I’m curious, though, what was I supposed to do? I tried to be a sounding board for you despite the fact that I was going through my own crap; apparently that wasn’t enough for you.

    If all that was going on (and I’m assuming that it was), why didn’t you bring in the state or go to the cops or something? Or just outright move to another place? It’s obvious that you weren’t getting the help that you were seeking and needing here, and you could just have easily gone to the cops yourself. Or the state. Or something.

    So why didn’t you?

    Anyway, I don’t know what to say to you, ‘no’. I get the feeling that no matter what I say to you, you’d still be pretty angry about everything…

    I’m sorry, but there is just too much going on for me to be around (even online) someone who is always so angry all the time. I have my own issues to deal with -as always-, including being back in school.

    It is because of this that I say farwell to you. In time, I hope that you are able to pull your life together and make it what you want it to be.

    • The state threw out allegations of abuse multiple times and I was actively blocked from going to anyplace else. Sams beloved Jonathan usually was a bastard in this regard.
      You arent worth knowing. You use your imposing size to intimidate people and youre a bully.

      • LOL. 🙂 Seriously? I’m the bully? I may be a bitch at times, but bully? Unlikely.

        As for the state, I do wish that things would have worked out for you better when you were here.

        Since you don’t quite get it yet, I am trying to keep things peaceful between us. I realize that we will never be friends again; however, that doesn’t mean I can’t be civil with you. To bad you can’t do the same thing.

        Goodbye, ‘No’.

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