My last night of being 28, or, how I was 27 for two years

Have been thinking about how I was gonna write this post all week.

Every year I do a “last night” of the year, or before my birthday or other’s birthdays ETC. And believe it or not it’s june fourth. I’ve alternated between not even wanting to think about my birthday and actually like zoneing it out, and suddenly singing “It’s my birthday! It’s my birthday! Woo-hoo! I want cupcakes”

So it’s been interesting.

And so to make things even more complicated somehow I got it stuck in my brain that I was still 27. Not like for a minute randomly when you forget how old you are but like all year literally. I’d introduce myself online or to new staff here and be like I’m Sam. I’m 27.

Finally Jess was like you’re 28! I’m like nooo! I like couldn’t believe it.

This was about two months ago. So I really haven’t been 28 at all. OMG this is gonna screw up my whole life because I’ll always be a year off!

But yeah. So anyway. Stuff that happened this year. No hospitalizations since 2014. No self-harming s since 2015. Have to say that every year!

Still with Mr. J for therapy yay! Still at Albany, sometimes feels both good and bad. But mostly good when I think about all the basics like food, decent housing, medications ETC ETC that especially as a disabled person I never want to take for granted. Because so many don’t have that. And though this is a psych place we have a lot of freedom that others in more restricted settings do not have. Seeing one of my best friends, also disabled, locked up for no reason other than her disability, made me really get that I’m not special just because I’m blind in terms of the unfairness of the system.

So that was a big lesson just around supporting her which I won’t ever forget.

Got a new psychiatrist which is going ok. No med changes.

Still with crisis textline.

Signed up for Kitty shelter yay!

Continue to be the constant cheerleader for my big sister as she blasts through school, health issues, therapy, and anything else!

Huh can’t think of any other big things. See it’s all about that I lost a year. I never got a chance to think all year, I’m 28. So it all feels like one big 27 year!

This is me with time sometimes. Often past events positive or negative feel very present. Something will happen months or even years ago and I’ll think it happened much more recently. Future events especially ones that are anxious for me seem to be happening now. So yeah that’s quirky me. It’s gotten some better with therapy and meds and I wonder if part of that is my mental illness. So I’m not surprised this happened.

Oh I know another thing. Sad. Lost simon, and my Nanna.

OK people audience participation time! What am I missing? Anything especially if it has to do with you?

OMG yeah Robbie became a total!

So yeah anyway clearly I’m just zoned out. So tomorrow there is acrossant sandwich, strawberry banana smoothie, and cookies from dunkin doughnuts that say Happy Birthday Sammy on them! Yay!

Would love to have tons of treats like a cake or cupcakes, another signing doll or know how to fix Judi’s hands, stuff for my dolls, and a beanbag chair or cat but you can’t have everything or even like one percent of what you want so yeah!

Thanks everyone for making this another great year in Sammy’s life!

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