So the past few days have been hard ones.
Don’t know if it’s the weather or air currents or something but there have just been tons of codes! Code green in particular which is medical. One thing is this guy who’s pretty out of it in general has balance problems and keeps falling. That’s happened like three or four times.
One of them the not too bright c.n.a called code blue instead of green. Blue usually means the person isn’t breathing! It’s like calling 911 within the facility. Everyone was up here in like ten seconds. And pretty flustered when they found out that the person was breathing and it shoulda been a green.
Later I asked one of the nursing office staff if they were mad at the woman for miss calling the code. She said no because it got people up here faster. So that’s always hard.
Then today at a social there was a true code blue and so ambulance was called.
Then there were psych hospitalizations going on in the midst of everything. When there’s a lot of intense activity around here in general it affects the whole energy of the place. Everyone is more on edge than usual. And usual is pretty on edge.
Personally saw Anna a couple days ago. The meeting itself wasn’t earth shattering. But I found out who the new PRC is.
This former CAN named Natalie. Not sure if I blogged about this when it happened. They have “agency CNAS” so people that just go to different facilities rather than sticking to one. Just fill ins basically. Well she was on our floor one day. And I’m fast asleep in morning nap land. Jess was likely also resting. She pounds the door. I do my startled scream, Jess says her loud and irritated “Whaatt!”
She comes in and says something like “excuse me. Don’t say what. I’m not a resident I’m a staff looking out for you. Have some respect.”
Basically telling us to cut the attitude and talk nicely when she has not acted or talked nicely so far.
I say that I was startled when I’m loud startled sounds come out of my mouth. Jess said that her “what!” is standard and she just doesn’t think about it but is working on her tone in general. She said that she heard two “whats” even though I said I only screamed. Turning on her heel she said “got good hearing I do.”
Well we were incredibly flustered to say the least. I have no patience for condescending people especially in this line of work. This is not school. Having people quietly line up say please and thank you all the time and never raise their voice just aren’t realistic expectations for many here. Yes most of that in some way are good things to work towards but you have to start with the insight that people here are emotionally in a rough vulnerable place. Learning to deal with emotions, and symptoms that can make them flood at a moment’s notice is the goal. Staff modeling this and approaching situations in a calm, if not positive, neutral way is key. Because situations can spiral so quickly otherwise because everyone is at high energy with what’s going on ready to just go off at a moment’s notice.
So there’s that. Then there’s the whole show respect while I’m in your face not listening and being a bitch anyway. But it’s of course ok for me to be a bitch, because I’m higher up than you. I go home every day you don’t. You have mental illness you’re crazy. I’m not, you do what I say even if how I say it is totally contradictory.
She said all that in more in that short interaction.
I further witnessed this kind of controlling bossy behavior in the dining room, another place where tentions run high. She even treated other staff this way.
I haven’t seen her since and was extremely relieved. This place has run pretty smoothly.Between Jonathan, and Karen they really do try to hire people that fit within the respect the person at all times, see them first before their illness kind of thing. To have someone so aggressive in the mix was unsettling.
Well come to find out apparently she saw a PRC opening and decided to apply. Ugh! If you knew how many candidates come forward when you put out an add that are so awesome, you’d wonder why she was picked. I have a feeling Monica was running that show in which caseoverly clinical and condescending are right up her alley.
So I have the pleasure of an anxiety episode the minute I’m in her presence. I have a great chance for my PTSD to flare up around someone like that having that kind of power over others or thinking they do, and of watching her hurt others and feeling that hurt myself. All the stuff that I’ve worked so hard in therapy with Jonathan on. But the thing about PTSD is it’s imprinted neurologically. So if you’re not constantly, or at least fairly constantly, working on it it gets retriggered. If I were working with Jonathan I could say the situation. Express all the pent up emotion around it and probably talk about how it connects with my past. He’d give another perspective gently in a way I could hear and some progress could be made. I don’t have that. I just have to “get on with it” as the british foster carers I read would say.
So that’s a huge thing for me! Unexpected and totally overwhelming.
Then there’s Shamaya. Will be seeing her tomorrow at two. She better remember and I better remember not to be napping. With everything going on I’ve had lots of naps. Often I need it because I get so anxious so quickly.
Things have been hard on Jess too. Also feeling the strain of the environment. Though thank goodness she has that breath of fresh air as an outside therapist for support. And that’s all hard because I feel like I’m leaning on her so much with everything emotional because I feel like I don’t have any other support in this facility that’s the quality and level that I got from Jonathan, and Edith. Just haven’t had a PRC since, and don’t know of one that was so good as Edith. So I’m just kinda floating around trying to make the best of it.
If I try to get a new therapist odds are it will be a poor match. And that will stir up more anxiety and depression that’s trauma based. And if they’re not trauma informed it’s just more chaos.
So hoping next week will be much better. Jess will finally have her sleep study. I have my annual care plan. And yeah just hoping for the best.