Book Review: Girl Alone by Cathy Glass

 

Link for book: https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Alone-discover-fathers-control/dp/0008145156

 

audio link:  https://www.amazon.com/Girl-Alone-discover-fathers-control/dp/000814515

II just finished reading another one of cathy’s emotional and true life memoirs.
Cathy faces a very big challenge with the placement of 13 year old Joss. Joss has been out of her home for six months and since that time has lived with an aunt and two carers. She has extremely challenging behavior. Including extreme hostility, swearing, coming home at all hours of the night drinking and smoking cigarettes and pot. What seems to have brought this on is truly devastating. When Joss was seven and her little brother Kevin three or four, the family came home and found her father hanging in the garage. He killed himself thirty minutes before their mom brought them home from school.
While Linda did do greif counseling for several years Joss reffused to talk. Linda met someone she really thought was a good kind man Eric. They met a year or two ago. I think it was a year. Since then things went downhill majorly for Joss. Linda thought it was expected at first. Feeling like Eric was replacing her father especially when they got married. She started having nightmares along with her growing behavioral issues. Yet there was no reasoning with her or geting her to realize that she did need help.
Things came to a head about six months before with extreme fighting in the house. The family just could not take it. The aunt tried and by that time social services had gottin involved to keep her in her home. that did not work.
Knowing that Joss had gone through two carers plus a relative made Cathy a bit anxious. Knowing this would be a very tough case. Though many children Cathy fostered were younger she had a fair bit of experiences with teens. And her formula of nurturing, structure, routine and expectations for good behavior never failed.
As the months went on she had her doubts. Joss would not respond to empathy. At least not long term. She’s soften and show vulnerability during a conversation and then put the mask of anger back on and isolate. She did not respond to reasoning or firmness. It just made her even worse. What was truly sad was when she came home from her nighttime street activities, she was vissibly more distressed than when she left sometimes tearful.
Matters were made worse by Amelia a very inexperienced social worker. Now this really bothers me. You would think social workers have to follow guidelines on certain interventions they do. Like behavior contracts and how they advise caregivers. I mean people are the experts on their own lives. But a social worker or any outside professional is there specifically to give an compassionate objective perspective.
Unfortunately she did not bring this. Cathy and Jill, often commented deeply frustrated, that they wondered whether she had any realistic perspective on working with childreen or teenagers. She seemed of the oppinion that Joss should agree to everything before it happens. And basically not to be too firm with her, read not rock the boat, or things will get worse. Basically her advice was tiptoe around Joss and beok with whatever she does.
With someone with serious behavioral issues social services and the people in the person’s life draw up a contract. Clearly outlining expectations. Then everyone is on the same page. Unfortunately they spent a frustrating meeting with Amelia doing the above. So that the contract became almost laughable. Saying that Joss could be out til ten thirty all week except two random days.
So that did nothing. Then Cathy found out Joss was lying about where she was going and who with. That she was late for school almost every day. Eventually Cathy tracked Joss down to a very ghetto apartment which was like drinking and drug city. With a man in his forties supposedly ok with everything. There she found Joss with her friend and two older men. They were seventeen and she was only 13. Cathy was horrified.
But Amelia believe it or not said not to criticize Joss’s friends. I would have screamed my head off at her by this point!
Things drag on. Cathy sympathizes with Linda. The little communication she and Joss have when she sees her little brother Keven is hostile and Linda is drained by it. It genuinely seems like she’s doing her best.
Cathy tries in spite of Joss’s antics to make and keep her connected to the family. The dynamics can be tense with Lucy and Paula as they’re both of a similar age. Still Joss would soften during family activities a little only to revert back into her shell.
Things break into an incredibly shocking tormoil one weekend. Joss comes home emotionally broken and physically atacked. She was raped by one of the men at the apartment. Cathy and Linda and everyone else is truly horified and feels they failed Joss. Even though they had done everything they could under very difficult circumstances. Amelia was pulled up short by it as well.
After a very long night doing a rape exam and police statement Linda shows up at the house confident that Joss has lied about being raped! She said she spoke with Eric and he said it was just like her to do that. As she’s said things that weren’t true about him just to spite him/ try and end things with their relationship. While that might have been Cathy and her family and Jill are shocked her own mother could one minute be greiving with Joss and the next against her.
No one expects the shocking twist that follows. Which is at the core of all of Joss’s behavior which had been the only way to survive the pain and shame of being so hurt and then not being believed.
This breaks Linda down even more and you see her own mental illness geting more pronounced. Joss goes through a huge change. She leans on Cathy and her family more for comfort and relies on the routine to feel safe. Meanwhileother family members previously not on the scene for some time come forward which adds a new and wonderful dynamic to the situation.
As the last chapter says the ending is bitter sweet. With a lot still left unfinished as one would expect. But with Joss healing, her family healing and more whole than they have been since her father comitted suicide.
This is such a famelear and tragic story for so many teenagers trauma often leads to acting out or acting in behaviors. Which leads to more trauma vulnerability to abuse or other major issues. It takes an extremely trustworthy emotionally thick skinned and nurturing person or people to try their hardest to get to the botom of everything through all the layers and twists. Cathy Jill, therapists Joss and the family saw, and Joss’s grandparents were such people.
Cathy said clearly how in many many cases grandparents don’t have any rights. Not even to see their kids for contact as the parents woud when the child is in care. In this situation had the grandparents not only stepped forward, but hung in there and propelled Joss and the family to solid ground things would have been even worse for all involved.
So many layers to this story! So well told and so many angles for discussion.

Book review: Breaking the Silence by Casey Watson

This weekend I finished another amazing Casey Memoir. It’s Breaking the Silence. It centers on two boys who are as different as can be with their needs for coming into care. The situation is not like any they’ve been through. at all and Casey Mike and the family have to deal with unexpected twists and turns from the start.

The first totally unexpected surprise is their link Worker John Fulashaw turning up mid afternoon with a nine year old boy named Jenson with his social worker.

John and she are extremely apologetic for this emergency placement. They say they found out thirty minutes ago that Jenson and his thirteen year old sister have been left alone for two weeks while their mother and her boyfriend went on vacation. And so it was thought they needed to be put into care right away as they’ve yet to even be able to contact the mother.

Casey and Mike quickly get over their shock and get to know Jenson. From the start he appears to be a boy who is need of boundaries and parenting. Not a typical foster child having dealt with abuse necessarily, but it’s clear he’s lived in a world where his parents can’t be bothered. He is used to not bathing, having clean clothes or getting up at an early enough hour to properly get ready for school. He also swears a lot despite Casey and Mike’s gentle reminders. John assures them that Jenson’s placement will only be for a week or so until the mom comes home.

As the days go by it’s clear there are complications. Jenson at times responds positively to the boundaries at other times is argumentative. It comes out that Carley Jenson’s older sister in fact did know where their mother was, and planned to meet at some point. Perhaps the mom was fine with her children in care to give her even more of a break. Jenson also says/ implies that his sister is her favorite and he gets blamed for everything in the family.

In the process of the social services reviewing things with the status of the family it comes out that the mother’s current boyfriend has a criminal background. Until they can do that Jenson can not return to his parents. He is furious about this and it shows in his difant behavior, fighting at school and even trying to escape school to sneak back to visit his sister in spite of social services wishes.

Casey tries to understand this troubled child but it was hard with so little information and such a chaotic placement.

Then as abruptly as with Jenson, John calls to talk about another upcoming placement. This is with a nine year old boy named Georgie. This would be a long term placement where Casey and Mike would use the behavior management program they were trained in as specialist foster carers.

Georgie is moderately autistic and has lived in a children’s home all his life. Currently the home is closing and the very caring and committed staff want to find Georgie a good home.

This child emediately strikes Casey’s heart as her son Keeron has Asberger’s. She can deeply relate to how hard it is for a child with special needs to grow up and find good solid loving support and care. She believes with her personal knowledge of autism from both her son and working with kids in a behavior unit she can really help this child.

However the overwhelming aspect is that , they still don’t know the story with Jenson and his family and what will happen. So for the first time in their fostering life Mike and Casey will have two different foster kids at the same time.

From the start things are rough. It doesn’t help that Jenson and Georgie are actually from the same school. Jenson already considers Georgie a “freak” and has bullied him in the past. So when Georgie does arrive things are tense. In getting to know him, Casey gets a crash course in the notion that like all issues everyone’s autism presents differently. Georgie is verbal but often uses movie quotes to express his feelings, or mostly from the Dr. Who show. He also loves quiz shows. He has obsessions, one of which is collecting and arranging stones.

He has extremely particularl likes and dislikes for everything from food to the color of the walls. They were going to put him in their other child’s room which is pink. But he had a huge meltdown over this it being sensorally way too much. So Mike and Jenson did a quick paint of the spare room which is beedge. .

Casey is able to have a lot of support with Georgie especially through talking with his former staff at the children’s home. She learns that putting up pictures of the people in the house what they’re going to do that day ETC hel.ps Georgie orient in what always feels like a strange and scary world. When Georgie keeps to his routines and has his needs attented to he’s actually apritty easy child to look after.

Jenson however is still a huge mystery to Casey. Particularly as he’s merciless in teasing and winding up Georgie. This gets Casey easily cross with him and quick to blame him for incidents. Something that she’s usually more objective about. Both her children and Mike, but especially Keeron call her on this. Keeron says he knows she’s overprotecting Georgie and so quick to say others are picking on him and feerce about it. From his point of view he knows what others think of him. That they think he’s crazy or weird or a freak. And in his world where things feel so different he thinks the sameo f them too sometimes. And doesn’t care what others think. But seeing his mom always so upset trying to push people to like him was the worst part for him. It takes Casey awhile to really hear this and not be defensive, But when she does it dramatically changes her attitude. She continues to give Georgie the special care he needs while at the same time trying to expand his skills by teaching him to be more verbal. With Jenson she listens more and is less quick to blame him.

As time goes on Casey learns something about Jenson’s past a horrific event he went through and was blamed for. That was the missing piece of the puzzle of why he acted how he did. Once she knew this she had a lot more understanding for him.

Once the tention broke it seemed the boys were actually bonding. This was clear when they all went on a holiday. Jenson got a huge self-esteem boost in the talent show and Georgie had his own fun but it was clear he did love it in spite of not being comfortable participating in many things.

It comes out that Jenson is now bullying kids at school for picking on Georgie which is a total turn around! Georgie is actually socially connecting with Jenson as well.

At this point abruptly the kids are moved. First Jenson

Is moved back to his mother. She promises to work with social services and get help for her family. Jenson is happy about this but Georgie is very sad and feels the loss emensely. However it is now a blessing that the two are at the same school and will continue to have that bound.

A week or so later Georgie is assigned a new social worker. Casey thinks now they’ll be able to really start the behavior program. However the social worker has other good but unexpected plans. She knows of a foster family who had great success raising an autistic child and then placing him in a supportive living program for young adults. She feels this would be a good placement for Georgie to best meet his special needs and eventually give him some independence and life skills.

While it takes Casey and Mike completely off guard they’re so happy that Georgie has this chance. Saying goodbye is painful. But they know they can always visit Georgie and keep up that bond.

It is discovered some time later that Jenson sadly could not continue to live with his mother as she was unable to parent him. However he did go on to go into care and did well there.

This placement in so many ways was a first for Casey and Mike. It followed no linear process as so many of the other placements have and tested Casey especially and her personal feelings. I think it was Casey who grew the most as a person through dealing with Georgie and Jenson.